Me & U
by madame nonchalant
Summary: When Kairi gets tickets to go see her favorite popstar, Sora thinks nothing of it. That is, until he's dragged along and thrown into a world of crazed fangirls, enamored roadies, corrupted backup dancers, and one more thing he never bargained for...love!
1. Seeing Stars

Author's Note: Yeah, clichéd chapter title. Whatever. But Roxas and Sora are twins because I wanted to find a way to get both of them in here. Same for Namine and Kairi. All song lyrics are originals by me—so no, (sadly) they're not going to be on iTunes.

As for the tune of the songs…make that up for yourself, okay?

And, as for the lovely girl who inspired this fic, Karriaina. She's just about the coolest person, and she's a huge SoRiku fan. This is for you, Karri, as well as any other wonderful people who take time from their day to read this. Thanks so much!

**One. Seeing Stars**

**Sora**

"Soooora," Kairi called, racing down the beach. "Sora, guess what!"

I lifted my head from the sand, and the wind picked up the particles, scattering them everywhere. I rubbed my eyes. I had been having such a nice, long nap. And then…ugh.

"What is it, Kairi? I was sleeping, you know."

Kairi just smiled, pulling something from behind her back. Four blue tickets, each emblazoned with a series of numbers. I took them from her, turning them over in my hands. "What are these for?"

"Sora, you silly goose," she said, playfully smacking me on the back of the head. "They're concert tickets!" She paused, frowning. Bending down so her face was close to mine, she narrowed her eyes. "You forgot what today is, right?"

"Friday?"

"No. It's my birthday, silly!" She spread her arms out wide, spinning in circles until she fell into the sand beside me. "Mom got me tickets to go see Riku in concert tonight for a present! Isn't that just awesome?"

"I guess."

"You _guess_?" she hopped onto her feet, eyes shimmering in the afternoon sun. "It's going to be sooo much fun, Sora! Maybe we'll even get to meet him in person!"

"_We_?" Suddenly, I wasn't liking the sound of this. It wasn't that I had something against Kairi. But to go see Riku in concert? That was a bit much. He was a male popstar, and not exactly someone I wanted to meet. "You want me to come with you? Why not ask Namine and Selphie?"

"First of all, because Selphie is busy tonight. She has a date with Tidus. Secondly, I have four tickets Sora._ Four_! That means you, Roxas, Namine, and I can all go. It'll be awesome!"

I sighed. She wasn't going to give up. And besides that, I guessed I owed her one. I didn't have a birthday present for her, since I'd forgotten. "What time?"

"We leave for Twilight Town at six. Don't be late, okay Sora?"

I grinned. "I won't Kairi. I'll just have to convince Roxas to go."

"He's already coming. Namine asked him this morning."

Namine convincing my overly tenacious brother. That was something I'd like to see. Namine was Kairi's sister, a shy and quiet blonde with a penchant for drawing. How she'd ever got one word in against Roxas, I didn't know.

I raised an eyebrow. "_Roxas_ is coming? What'd you do, chain him to wall, or something?"

That wasn't like him at all. Roxas, I knew, loved hardcore rock more than anything else. He mocked pop music. Namine must have been quite convincing, to be sure.

Kairi hopped around on the beach, mumbling some songs lyrics to herself. I liked hearing her sing—she had a good voice.

"_Baby don't stop. _

_Baaaaaby don't stop. _

_Baby don't stoooop. _

_Baby don't stop_."

I knew this song. Kairi played it all the time. It was the song that had made Riku famous.

I got up, wiping the sand from my shorts. "It's getting late. I'd better go change before the concert."

"See you in a bit, Sora," Kairi called.

I left her there, on the beach, still singing.

"_I see you watching me,_

_See me climbing to the top,_

_Can't take your eyes off of me,_

_Baby don't stop."_

"Roxas," I called when I got home. "Rooooxas…" still no answer. "_Roxas_!"

"What?" he yelled back. I could hear music blaring from the speakers upstairs. He was listening to music—that's why he hadn't heard me.

"So," I said, sauntering up stairs. "I heard Namine convinced you to come to the concert."

"Yeah," he breathed, shoving a black shirt over his head. "I wanted to come, though. You know, for Kairi."

I nodded. "Same here."

Roxas made a face, gelling his hair in front of a full-length mirror. "Ugh," he shuttered. "Riku. Have you heard his music? It's so…girly."

"You've never been around Kairi when she's playing "Baby Don't Stop" constantly, have you?"

He groaned. "I'm glad I haven't."

I laughed. "Well, tonight is going to be interesting, that's for sure."

Roxas and I made our way down to the beach as Kairi and Namine waved, evidently waiting for us.

Kairi produced the tickets, beaming as her long red hair fluttered in the wind. "The train should be here soon enough."

"I sure hope so," Namine said, pressing her fingers together in a sort of excited gesture. "I can't believe we're going to meet Riku!" She squealed, and she and Kairi hugged one another, jumping up and down.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Fun fun fun," he mumbled. I nodded, looking down at the sand but not saying anything.

The only time I had ever seen Riku was in a television interview once. He had been very cool, commanding the reporter's attention, and milking his interview for all it was worth. He was beautiful—I'd give him that. His silver-white hair—I was not sure if it was natural or dyed—lent the most appeal to his appearance. It was easy to see why Kairi and Namine went so crazy over him.

Still, as I watched that show, I realized that nothing about him really seemed all that great. Yeah, he could sing, and he was good-looking, but that was it. He had almost nothing going for him. And, as I had realized during the interview, he was an ass.

Everything he said aggravated me, the way he acted like each one of his words had the power to destroy the world. He was just so…cocky.

I sighed and glanced at Roxas, who was watching the girls sing "Baby Don't Stop" with disjointed interest.

He opened his mouth and joined in, purposely singing off-key.

Kairi covered her ears. "Stop it, Roxas," she laughed.

He pouted. "What, you didn't like it?"

Namine laughed and tugged at his sleeve. "Look, the train is here! We'd better hurry."

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he groaned. He turned back to smile at me, winking. "Remember, Sora," he grinned sarcastically. "Tonight is going to be _fun_."

"Fun," I whispered, hardly believing it. "Yeah, right."


	2. All Peformance

Author's Note: Thanks to all my lovely people who read and/or reviewed! Now, keep it up. Let's get going with chapter two, shall we?

**Two. All Performance**

**Riku**

I could hear the crowd chanting, giggling, talking amongst themselves. What I wouldn't have given to be one of those anonymous faces, so innocent and uncaring, each in his or her own little world.

"Riiiiku," I heard someone call.

I turned, and there was Hayner, one of my roadies, holding a large bouquet of pink-and-white orchids.

"The hell?" I questioned

"From your fans. A bunch of girls stopped by, and they just _begged_ Seifer to give these to you. Although, Seifer knows that he and Rai and Fuu can't leave the door, since more fangirls might get in, so I volunteered to deliver them instead."

"How sweet," I muttered, barbing my words with extra sarcasm. "Such pretty flowers from such hideous people."

Hayner sighed. "They're not all that bad, are they? Do you really hate them all?"

"Not all of them. Just the ones who like me only for my hit songs and my supposed good looks." I sighed, peering into my dressing room mirror. What did they see in me, anyway?

"Hayner," I said, taking the flowers from him.

"Yeah?"

"Tell Seifer to meet me in my dressing room. I have a bit of pre-show stress I need taken care of."

Hayner frowned, looking puzzled. "What can Seifer do about that?"

"Plenty," I laughed. I took the flowers towards my dressing room while Hayner stood there, trying to comprehend what I had meant.

"Mmmm, that's it…oh, better, right there," I murmured. Seifer stroked my back, kneading the muscles into pliable tissue, not the hardened knots they usually were.

He straddled me, trying to get a better position. "You're that tense, huh?"

I laid my chin on one of the couch cushions. "Life is stressful. I mean, you've had to pry how many fangirls off me today? A couple hundred?"

"Thirty-six."

"Same difference." I sighed. "Where's Axel? I could use a quick one right now."

"He's playing cards with Luxord and Demyx. I guess something important is on the line this time."

"Like what? They betting for seme and uke?"

Seifer worked a particularly hard knot in my back. "Something like that."

I turned over, staring him straight in the eyes. "You could work, instead of Axel."

"I'm not sure if I swing that way."

"Everybody swings that way sometimes," I said, reassuring him.

He sighed. "You're not going to let me leave, are you?"

"Not until your ass is sore and I'm good to go."

"You're cruel, Riku."

I laughed. "I blame fame. It's not easy being this good, you know."

"Ass."

"Yes, please," I smiled. "I'd like you to hand yours over now very much."

I zipped my jeans and left Seifer groaning on the floor. Axel was standing outside the dressing room, a cigarette in hand. He inhaled, then exhaled.

"You rang?"

I shrugged. "Seifer did just as well."

Axel sighed, letting a cloud of silver smoke escape his lips. "I figured you'd find someone else to take care of you needs. It's not like this place isn't enough of a cesspit already—what's a few more corrupted souls, eh?"

"You lost the card game?"

He chuckled. "How'd you guess?"

"You smoke when you're nervous. That, and your eyes are bloodshot, your body is flushing, and you smell like a hell of a lot of sweat." I eyed him once over, just to emphasize my point. "Luxord works fast."

"Demyx is actually the one who won," he grinned. "I'll assume Luxord is getting his just desserts right now. Dessert the way Demyx likes it—lots and lots of whipped cream."

"That's sick." Sex was one thing, I had decided. But to have sex for romantic purposes, not just for the sex? There was no point to that. People never stayed for long in this business—why get attached?

Axel exhaled more smoke, blowing it into small rings. "Depends on your definition of sick. He's no more twisted than the rest of us back here."

The door to the dressing room opened, and Seifer ambled out, still evidently sore. He saw Axel, and then his eyes flickered to me. He showed no signs of emotion. "Can I bomb a smoke?"

Axel pulled a pack from his sleeve, shaking a thin, white cigarette out. "You want one?" he asked, lighting Seifer's smoke with fire he conjured from his fingertips.

"I can't. I have to sing in half an hour, remember?"

"I hope Demyx is done with Luxord by then. Otherwise they'll both be too sore to dance."

Seifer took a long drag. "I have to get back. Rai and Fuu probably aren't managing too well by themselves."

"Then go," I said. "The last thing we need is for a fangirl to slip back here."

Axel chuckled. "Why? Because what she'd discover would scar he for life, and most likely give the tabloids way more than they need to know?" Axel pulled a beer from somewhere behind his back. He sucked it dry, dropping his smoke into the bottom of the bottle, where it fizzled out. "The tabloids always know too much. Remember that time they caught me kissing Demyx, and the damn picture was splayed all over the front page of every major magazine the next day? It was hell, cleaning that up."

Seifer nodded. "I'll be going, then." He turned around, nearly running into the man who made this who charade possible: Leonhart. "Mr. Leon, sir," Seifer said, blushing as he made a run for the back door.

Axel chuckled. "What brings you here, Mr. Man?"

Leon kept a cool gaze. "The concern for my client, of course." He extended an arm around my shoulders, accepting a cigarette from Axel. "So," he said, spitting smoke into my face. "How's it going, kid? You holding up okay? Anything you need? Food? Drink?"

"Actually, there is something I want to talk to you about," I said, pulling him towards my dressing room. Once we were inside, I slumped onto the sofa. "There's this girl," I began.

Leon's face hardened. "Riku," he said, his voice stern and protective. "What have I told you about having girlfriends?"

"That it would ruin my image in the eyes of my fans, because I am no longer single, and therefore no longer an attainable goal to them." I said from memory. It had been drilled into my head so many times that I felt it with every step I took.

_No girlfriends. No love. No nothing. You have us, and that's all you need. _

"But Leon—" I started again.

The metal speaker above my head buzzed. "Riku," a metallic voice buzzed.

"What, Cloud? Is there something you techs need up there?" Leon asked.

Cloud stuttered. I could almost feel the heat of his blush through his voice alone. "M-Mr. Leon, sir," he gasped. "No, it's just that the show starts in ten. We need Riku onstage now."

"You'd better get going, Riku," Leon said, flicking the ash of his smoke onto the carpet. It made a small black smudge on the otherwise pristine carpet.

Or at least, the carpet looked pristine. But really, I knew, underneath all those white fibers was a tale of sweat and sex and god-knows-what-else. Like me. The tabloids only scratched the surface of that black stain—they never even saw what I truly was.

I rose from the couch, steeping outside the door. I could hear the screams of the fangirls as I moved closer to the stage.

Then I stepped into the harsh light, gripping my mic for all it was worth. After all, the show had to go on.


	3. Me & U

Author's Note: Anyone guess who the back-up dancers all are? I'm trying to weave in as many characters as possible.

And yeah, we all know who married a back-up dancer…and what became of it.

So, read and review, okay? Thanks, everyone! I love everyone one of ya!

**Three. Me & U**

**Sora**

The stage lit up, bright and glaring. The audience seemed to hold their breath as he stepped out onto the stage and opened his lips to sing.

"_Baby, don't stop."_

The girls cheered. Roxas and I glanced at each other and rolled our eyes. I could see a few other boys just like us, who had been dragged here by various sisters, girlfriends and best friends.

Then, the entire stage seemed to explode. Firecrackers went off, and a spotlight remained on Riku, who was down on one knee, still singing.

"_Baaaaaby don't stop. _

_Baby don't stoooop. _

_Baby don't stop_."

The lights came up, and four shadowy figures came out from the wings. Back-up dancers, by the looks of them. All in black, each with their own various piercings and odd hairstyles. One redhead, his hair gelled into gravity-defying spikes, followed by a blonde with a mullet, another blonde with a buzz cut and a goatee, and a silver-haired boy, who appeared to be a bit younger than the rest of them. A lock of his hair fell over one eye, giving him the appearance of a back-alley punk.

They all stopped, assuming different positions. Then they moved carefully, with precise, coordinated grace. The charisma almost radiated off them I waves. But, the most charismatic one of them all was Riku. I found my eyes drawn to him. I couldn't look away—he just held my attention.

Roxas nudged me with an elbow. "I think I'm in love," he whispered.

I followed his gaze, and I realized he was staring directly at the redheaded back-up dancer. I rolled my eyes. "Roxas, don't you remember what happened to the last person who married a back-up dancer?"

He shook his head, his eyes boring directly into mine. "Can't you feel it, Sora? There's something about him…about all of them…they're not like other run-of-the-mill superstars. They're…special."

I realized Roxas was right. They were special, somehow. There was some sort of high energy about them that I just couldn't put my finger on. It irked me. I _hated_ not knowing things.

"Sora," Roxas said, finally pulling his eyes away from the dancer. "Namine just said she's hungry. You wanna make a run for pretzels?"

"Sure," I laughed. My stomach rumbled a bit. "Namine isn't the only hungry one around here, you know."

I turned to Kairi. "We're going to get some food," I shouted over the music. "You want something?"

"Probably a diet soda, and some chips or something," she answered. The whole time she spoke, she never took her eyes off Riku.

Roxas turned and began to walk up the aisle. I followed, quickly patting my pocket to make sure my wallet was still there.

"Are the food stands nearby?"

"Close enough."

We entered the lobby. I could barely see the stage now. Riku was just a little white-haired pinprick on the giant blue stage. The music had quieted down, just enough so I could understand the lyrics over the music.

He finished the song he'd been singing, and the audience burst into applause. It was loud and roaring, louder than the music had been.

"Now we're going to slow things down a bit, ladies and gentlemen," Riku said, his deep voice echoing eerily into the mic. "This is a new song I just wrote—it's not even released yet. But we're going to give you a demo here, and see what you think, okay?"

"Yeah!" the crowd roared.

Piano music fell from the speakers in small drops. I stopped, slowly, and listened. Riku was right there, and his eyes were piercing mine. It was like he saw me and knew me. I didn't know what it meant, but I felt something. A shiver ran up my spine.

"Sora?" Roxas asked.

"Not now," I breathed. My legs refused to move.

Riku put the mic up to his lips, opening them. Then he began to sing.

"_It's me & u_

_Just me & u_

_Here at the edge of the world_

_You're all I see_

_It's just u_

_And me."_

The crowd was silent for once. They said nothing, did nothing. They were just as enthralled as I was.

"_This light you give_

_Isn't ordinary_

_It feels rather extraordinary_

_It washes over me_

_Like summer rain_

_Baby, won't you take away my pain?"_

He continued with the chorus again, and I listened to every note like it was sustenance. The song, in that moment, became my reason for living. I didn't want to live for something by him, but I couldn't help it. He had pulled me in, just like he had done to everyone else.

"Sora?"

"In a minute, Roxas."

"Whatever."

"_Shadows fall all-consuming_

_This new path_

_My life is assuming_

_Kiss me sweetly_

_Kiss of life_

_I need you tonight._

_Ohhhhh_

_Mmmm, mmm, mmm_

_It's me & u_

_Oh, me & u_

_Here at the edge of the world_

_Me & u_

_You're all I see_

_You light washes over me_

_It's me…_

_And…_

_U_

_Ohhhhh_

_Mmmm, mmm mmmm." _

There was silence.

Then, the cheer of the crowd reached my ears like a sudden explosion. The fans were pleased. That was his goal, of course. Why else would he have made that song? He had written it so each girl felt like he was singing to her, and _only_ her. I didn't know why, but it pissed me off.

Why lead them on, only to have them know their goal was unattainable?

"Sora! Sora, I found him!"

Roxas ran towards me, skidding to a stop a few inches from my feet. He thrust a small booklet into my hand.

"And this is?"

"Concert info. I picked it up at the help desk." He rifled it open to a page and shoved it under my nose. "There, you see? It's him."

I looked down at the tiny photo, which showed Riku surrounded by his four dancers. I read the caption Roxas was pointing to, where their names were listed. "Axel?"

"That's his name."

"Sounds kinda queer."

"So? I'm a bit queer myself."

I crossed my arms. "When did you ever get that way, anyway? I mean, did you ever even bother to come out and say it?"

He shrugged. "I've never swung any particular way, I guess. I just know that I like what I like. And right now,"—he tapped the photo of Axel—"I like that."

"Whatever floats your boat."

He handed me two of the pretzels he was carrying. "Concert will be over in an hour. You ready to brave what comes after that?"

"What?"

"Namine said that if we go back to the hotel Riku's staying at, he'll be signing free autographs until midnight. It turns out he's staying at the same place we are. You think you can handle two squeamish fangirls and a popstar?"

"'Course I can," I grinned, poking him in the side. "After all, I've endured you for years, haven't I?"


	4. Can't Say No

Author's Note: Sorry, I'm lazy. I'm just a really, really, avid Naruto addict, and I'm busy with another one of those fanfics. Lack of motivation is a killer. Not to mention I've been busy with school and such.

And sorry it's a bit short! More is coming. Please read and review, as always. I love ya!

**Four. Can't Say No**

**Riku**

The line of screaming fangirls was horrendous. I tried my best to tune them out, keeping my game face on.

_Smile. Nod. Sign. Next._

That was how it always went. Same cadence, same pattern, only interrupted for the occasional question. The questions were always standard, too. It bored me. I'd rather be upstairs right now, sucking down beers with Axel and having a smoke.

Of course, Leon hated when I did that. Being caught with a smoke in my mouth always looked bad for the press. It ruined my "wholesome image". Wholesome? Hell, there wasn't anything about me that was wholesome.

A redhead and her three friends came to the front of the line. "Oooh," she squealed. "Riku, I'm such a big fan!"

Yeah, of course she was. Her and half the rest of the universe.

I smiled. "Glad to hear it. Who should I make this out to?"

"Kairi," she said. She turned to one of her friends, a spiky-hair brunette. "Did you want an autograph too, Sora?"

He crossed his arms, managing to keep a small smile on his lips. "Whatever, Kairi. Let's just get to our room. There's a movie I want to watch on cable."

Sora. He wasn't your average punk. I could tell that while he'd been dragged here by a will other than his own, and yet he still managed to smile so warmly for her. You could tell that he was happy for her, in this moment, even though he wasn't happy for himself.

I wanted someone to be happy like that for me. I wanted him to smile for me. Not just anyone, but _him_.

I grabbed his wrist. "Sora," I grinned, moving my marker across the inside of his wrist. "That's a wonderful name."

He jerked his arm back just as I put the finishing touch on my message.

"You don't wash that off now," I said. "And be sure to read it."

"Right," he muttered. "I'll be sure to."

He stalked off towards the nearest bathroom. "I'll be back in a bit, Kairi."

I watched his eyes slowly move across his wrist, making sense out of my hurriedly scribbled message. Then he bolted for the restroom, slamming himself into the door. I sighed. It wasn't like I had expected him to come running for me, exactly.

It's just that…no one _ever_ said no to me. I wasn't exactly the type who took no for an answer, anyway.

The other boy stepped up and shoved an envelope in my face. "Here," he said, keeping his head bowed. His face was red and blotchy all over. "Can you give this to Axel for me? Please?"

I took it in my hands. "I guess I can."

"Thanks." He lifted his head. He wasn't actually a bad-looking kid. A bit scrawny, maybe, but still pretty adorable, in a sort of puppy-like way. I wasn't sure if Axel even liked puppies or not.

Still, you could see how desperate he was to let Axel know about him. It struck me. How could you like someone you'd never even met or seen up close?

Sora came rushing back from the bathroom. His eyes were wide, and his wrist now bore a large black smudge. "We've gotta go, guys," he said, grabbing Roxas by the shoulder. "Others are waiting their turn."

Even though he'd smudged his autograph, I still remembered exactly what I'd wrote.

_To Sora,_

_Penthouse 2_

_Riku_

Sora turned and glanced back at me over his shoulder, then glanced down and rubbed his wrist. His gaze wasn't cold, exactly. More so confused.

I went back to signing an autograph for two squealing blondes, still smiling hugely about the whole thing. I just couldn't press the excited butterflies in my stomach down. They were threatening to bubble out of my throat.

But I knew his type. More curious than was good for him. He'd seen my offer, and then wiped away the traces of it, so his friends wouldn't know. He was good, alright.

I knew he just couldn't say no.


	5. One Long Night

Aaaaand comin' up fast, it's smex! Woohoo! Needless to say, writing this chapter was fun. Very, very fun indeed.

Hee hee. Drive by bricking.

**Five. One Long Night**

**Sora**

It was around eleven thirty that I finally made my decision. It'd been battling out with rationality in my mind for a good hour or two now. To go, or not to go? I couldn't decide.

"Sora?" Kairi asked. "Are you okay? You've had a funny look on your face for a while now. That food at the concert didn't make you sick, did it?"

"No," I said, rising from the bed. "I'm going to take a walk, guys. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Hours?" Roxas laughed. "The hotel isn't that big! Something's on your mind, right?" He got off the bed where he and Namine were watching TV. "Let your ol' pal Roxas take care of it, okay? I'll go with you. We can talk it out together."

I sighed. He looked so eager to help. Not to mention he was my twin. And twins told each other things. They understood one another, helped one another. I knew I had to tell Roxas. If I didn't, I'd be violating the sacred bond between us. Besides, it was good to have one person who knew where I was. I mean, if something went wrong…

No. Nothing would go wrong. He was a popstar, after all. A bit shady, maybe, but one missing boy last seen in his room would so not be good press coverage.

Roxas and I stepped outside the room, promising Namine and Kairi that we'd be back in time for the cartoon marathon that was running on one of the channels.

Well, Roxas would be back in time, at least.

"So," Roxas said, trying to strike up a conversation starter. "Did that concert suck, or what?"

"Not now," I sighed. I just didn't want to hear about it. In a few minutes, I was going to be in his _room_. The tension in my stomach bubbled up, and I suddenly felt a shock run all the way from the base of my skull to the tip of my spin.

"Not now? Why not?"

I held out my wrist so Roxas could see the black smudge clearly. "He invited me to him room, Roxas. His _room_. You don't think he wants to…you know….do you?"

Roxas shrugged. "Hard to say. But if you're scared, why bother to go? I mean, you hate the guy, don't you? You said yourself how big an asshole he is." He ran his hand through his hair. "Still, a popstar…man, you know how to pick 'em, Sora."

"Roxas!" I jumped in front of him, placing my hands on his shoulders. I shook him violently. "I—I…how_ can_ I go? I mean, I barely even know about that sort of stuff! I've never even had a girlfriend before. I don't even know if…"

"If what?"

"If I swing that way," I finished.

Roxas brushed my hands off. "Then why are we even having this talk?" he asked. "I mean, if you're scared to go, then just don't go. It's not like he probably hasn't been stood up before."

"But…" I stared at my wrist, tracing the smudge. I turned away, looking straight to the floor. "I think I do want to go. I mean, he picked me, right? He's world famous, and he could have invited anyone to his room, but he picked me out of all of them. I've…never been special like that before. I've never had anyone want me like that. I want to know what it's like, to have someone want you so badly they'd write their room number in marker on your arm." I turned to him, my eyes staring straight into his, the exact same shade of blue as the night sky. "I think I want to go, Roxas," I whispered. "Promise me you'll cover for me?"

He held out his pinky. "I promise," he said, linking his finger in mine. "Just be back before one, okay? Otherwise Namine and Kairi will get impatient."

"Deal," I said. And we swore on it.

The penthouse was on the very top floor, so I ended up taking the elevator. We were on floor six, and the hotel had twelve floors. I really didn't feel like walking up that many stairs.

The elevator bar gave a little ring with each floor I passed.

_Ding!_

Floor nine. I checked my hair in the mirrored ceiling, combing it with my fingers.

_Ding!_

Tenth floor. Did I smell okay? I'd taken a shower before we'd left, but that had been a few hours ago.

_Ding!_

Floor number eleven. I was growing impatient now. The feeling in my stomach threatened to overflow if I opened my mouth. It was a good, shimmering sort of feeling, but I also felt like vomiting, for some reason.

Finally, the doors opened, revealing the twelfth floor. It looked exactly like the other floors, except with a larger hallway and fewer rooms.

Penthouse two was on my left, one door down. I could hear soft music emitting from behind the door. It sounded like classical or something.

I knock three times with one hand, and released a breath I didn't know I'd been holding when the door opened.

Riku was standing there, wearing loose jeans—unbuttoned, much to my dismay—and an unbuttoned white dress shirt.

He smiled. "I didn't think you were coming."

I smiled back. "For a moment, neither did I."

He laughed, and suddenly he seemed like an entirely different person. He was just a normal boy like me. Then his mask slipped back into place, and confidence oozed from his pores like a toxic waste. "Come on in."

I paused, asking myself once more. Was I sure about this?

Yes.

_Yes._

Riku left the door swinging behind him, and I quickly followed like the groupie I wasn't. The room was actually quite large, with a huge flat screen TV, a Jacuzzi built for at least ten people, and a rather large bathroom, complete with a tub twice the size of the Jacuzzi. And of course, there in the center of it all was a large bed, equipped with satin sheets and way more pillows than was necessary for one person. It was evident that the hotel staff thought Riku would have more than one guest during the night.

"So…" I said, trailing off. It was awkward, really. He'd invited me to his room with barely a second thought, and now we were alone. Together. And he really didn't seem like the type that would do my nails while we watched the cartoon channel.

"So," he echoed. He sat down on the bed, staring at the sheets. I knew what he wanted. We both had known it from the moment that marker had touched my arm. He had been looking for a decent booty call, and he'd ended up with me. God knew I wasn't anything sleazy. It was confusing. Did he just expect me to kiss him and get this over with?

"Sit down," he smirked, patting a spot on the bed next to him. "You seem tense."

"Oh, you think?" I snarled.

"Just relax. We can just get this over with, and then we'll both just go on with our lives. It should take half an hour, tops."

"Why should I?" I hissed. "What do you think I am? Do you think I'm honestly that sort of person? How do you even know I swing that way?"

He shrugged. "I guess it never really occurred to me. In my experience, lots of us swing whichever way is most convenient."

I sat down next to him, and he placed a hand on my shoulder, rubbing the skin though my shirt. Then he stripped it off completely, running his strong, long fingers over my bare skin. I shivered.

"So as in what's in it for you…" he mused, placing my hands on his chest, "name anything. Want your name in lights? No problem. Need a favor? I've got it covered."

I bit my lip, my fingers moving across his muscles in their own clumsy way. I could feel him sigh as I moved my thumb across his stomach. He seemed to actually like me touching him like that.

What did I want? Anything? Sell my soul to the devil for one night and receive anything in return?

Then I realized there was only one thing I wanted. Or rather, one thing I wanted guaranteed.

"About that letter my brother gave you," I murmured, tracing the waistband of his pants. "Are you really going to deliver it?"

He seemed to understand what I was getting at. "I may," he said. "But then again, it could possibly cement itself in my mind better if I had something to remind me of it."

"Fine, then," I said, bringing my face closer to his. "We have a deal, don't we?"

He pushed me back onto the bed, sliding down the pajama pants I was wearing. He kissed me roughly. "I guess we do."

He pulled my head back, exposing my throat. He nipped at the skin there. I winced; this was going to hurt a bit.

He slid my pants down to my knees, working in smooth, fluid motions. My body throbbed. A small moan escaped my lips, hanging in the air. Riku seemed to acknowledge the urgency of it. He stripped me of my boxers and held me in his hands, teasing. I could see the bulge in the front of his own pants, and I began to unzip them.

He brushed my hands away and stripped himself, so quickly that I barely had time to blink.

"Have you ever done this before?" he growled.

I shook my head. He was on top of me, his eyes gleaming like a hungry tiger's. I was a bit afraid to speak. He smiled, kissed my cheek, and moved in for the kill.

"Mmm," he murmured, running his tongue across my stomach. "This is gonna be good."

I gulped and whimpered as his tongue moved downward, twirling around my shaft. Then he stopped and raised his head.

He licked his fingers, first inserting one, and then adding two more, one at a time. I moaned. It felt like I was being ripped apart and cast into hell and raised up to heaven at the same time.

Then he pushed into me, and I groaned. It hurt like hell. Then he began to thrust, and the feeling of pain gently progressed to waves of pleasure. My own erection was full and throbbing, just begging for release. "Riiiiku," I moaned.

"Soraaa," the moaned escaped his lips so naturally it frightened me. I suddenly remembered who I was, where I was, and who I was with.

"I-don't-" I began. He silenced me by forcing his lips onto my own, and thrusting harder. I screamed into his mouth. My hips were bucking, and his hand began to move up and down me, gradually progressing to a faster rhythm.

He released inside of me, and I came a few seconds later, all over his hands and stomach and onto the pristine white hotel room sheets.

Riku huffed, rolled over, and grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the nearby nightstand. He proceeded to light one, blowing a cloud of smoke in my face. "Damn. That wasn't half bad, kid." He leaned over and planted a kiss on my forehead, turning to stare out the window.

I closed my eyes and slumped down into the sheets. I was exhausted, and my ass hurt like hell. Talk about forceful love. It was so random, like a drive-by bricking. I had just been the house he'd picked.

And not half bad? It was more than that. I'd _liked_ it. I was sore and sticky and tired and my hair now smelled like cigarettes, but I _liked_ it. I almost wanted more. It wasn't half bad. It had been excellent. But still…

If it wasn't so bad, then why did I feel so guilty?


	6. Almost Alone

Author's Note: And now it's time to introduce our newest character. Everyone, say hello to the Doorframe of Penthouse 2!!!!

…

Okay, procrastinating by getting this bug off my window screen and outside. Fly free, little beetle! (Ha ha. It's, like, 11:30 right now. I'm so tired! And yes, the chapter title makes no sense, but whatever.)

Ah, and sweet-n-sour lemony goodness awaits you all. Read onward!

Reviews are loved and greeted with virtual cookies and milk and SoRiku smut!!

And extra note: I am going to be gone for 3 weeks. Sorry, my friends! D:

**Six. Almost Alone**

**Riku**

My phone buzzed from its usual place on the bedside table. I groaned and rolled after, feeling more tired than usual. What did I need? Oh, yeah. Another smoke, and probably a beer or something.

I lifted my phone to my ear and flipped it open. "'Lo?"

"Rikuuuuu!" came Axel's drawn-out slur on the other end. "Where the hell are ya? You promised you'd come clubbin' with us!"

I groaned, glancing at the alarm clock. Three-thirty six. I 'd barely been asleep for two hours.

"I'm in bed, like you should be."

I clutched my head. Why did it hurt so much? Beer. Dammit, I needed a beer like hell needed gasoline. It wasn't necessary, but it helped.

The sheets clung to me, and I realized my stomach was covered with something sticky. "What in the—?" I growled.

Axel made a small noise on the other end. "You okay?"

I wiped my fingers across my stomach and brought them up close to my eyes. A small moan came from the other side of the room. Suddenly, I remembered. The kid, and the sex, and the fact that we'd both fallen asleep and he hadn't left yet.

"Riku?" Axel squeaked.

"Nothin'," I muttered, wiping my stomach off with the bed sheet. "I just have fuckin' cum all over my stomach, thanks to that damn kid."

"Kid?" Axel asked. "You didn't say anything about a kid."

I sighed. "Whatever. Just stop shouting so loud. I know the music is at an insane volume, wherever the hell you are, but really. I don't want to wake him."

"Riku?"

"Screw that," I said back into the phone. "He's up."

I flicked the lamp on the dresser on, and Sora yelped at the sudden burst of light. He tumbled out of bed and onto the floor headfirst.

"Riku…?" Axel trailed off.

"What?"

"You're not, like, fucking him now, are you?"

"No," I grumbled. "What the hell kind of person do you think I am? He just fell off the bed, that's all."

"That's kinky."

"No, it's not. But you can think that, if you want. Whatever. I'm hanging up now. 'Bye, Axel."

"See you later, bitch."

"Next time you see me, you'll be the bitch."

"Ha ha," he laughed sarcastically. "Hanging up now. 'Bye."

The line went dead, leaving an annoying buzzing sound on the other end. I snapped the phone shut, turning towards the strange boy on my floor.

"What time is it?" he mumbled.

"Quarter to four."

"Quarter…quarter to…oh, shit!" he yelled.

"You, uh, have to be somewhere?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He dove underneath the bed, frantically searching for his clothes. "I promised my brother I'd be back by one. _One_!"

I shrugged. "So you're running a bit late. It's not that big a deal, is it?"

"You don't know my friends. Kairi will kill me." He found his shirt and hurriedly shoved it over his head. He had found his pants, too, but he seemed to be going boxer-less. Quite possibly, I realized, because I was wearing his boxers by mistake. But I didn't bother to point it out. It was too much of a hassle.

He ruffled his hair back into place and threw himself towards the door. "Gotta go," he said, futzing with the lock, and trying to unhook the chain on the door.

I took a few strides across the room and unhooked it for him.

"Thanks," he murmured.

I tapped my cheek. "That's not how you thank a host."

He sighed and pecked my cheek. "There, you happy?" He turned to go.

I grabbed his arm, not bothering to think. I just wanted him. He couldn't leave, not yet. I pressed him up against the doorframe, our lips drawing close.

"Riku," he said, clearly annoyed. His cheeks flushed, and he was so adorable I couldn't help it.

I kissed him, softly at first, but the finally he tugged at my neck, pulling me closer. My tongue slipped into his mouth, rushing back and forth. He gave a soft moan, and both our tongues met, twirling around each other. I could feel his erection hard against my thigh, so I began to tug down his pants.

"Riku," he gasped, pulling away. "We can't. Not here. The door is wide—"

I pushed my mouth back onto his, whispering across his lips. "No one will know," I murmured, my hand slipping down his pants. I began to gently tug at his hardness, and he gasped, his face flushing bright red. "This floor is nearly empty," I continued. "And besides, it's fucking four in the morning. No one is going to be up this early." I released his lips and tugged his pants down around his ankles. "Besides…don't you want this?"

I gave him another stroke, and he shivered and leaned into me. I put a finger to his lips, tracing their shape. He brought out his tongue, wetting each and every part of my hand. He sucked on my pinky for longer then normal, and my pants grew tighter. I pushed one finger inside of him, listening to him whimper.

I brought it out and added a second, scissoring them. He began to mewl and moan. "R-Ri-" he stuttered. "I-I can't-"

"Can't what?" I murmured, giving him another stroke, this time with my tongue.

"I can't…hold myself…the doorframe—" he stopped, gasping for breath. "The doorframe—"

I heard enough to get the gist of his sentence. I stood up, and he fumbled with the waistband of the boxers I was wearing. Finally he gave up, his hand diving for the entrance in the front. He found me, and began to stroke me in the same way I had been stroking him.

"S-Stop," I stammered. "You're going to make me fucking cum before we even—"

He wrapped his legs around my waist then, and pulled me up to kiss him. His hand was still down my shorts, teasing like mad.

I clumsily carried him to the bed, unaccustomed to the extra weight. I dropped him onto the sheets, ripping off his shirt so fast I heard the seams pop.

He settled down into the bed, burying himself in a nest of pillows and blankets. I shoved them aside, and plunged into him. He was still wet, and the pre-cum he had made me expel was more than enough lubrication. I paused, just in time to see a single tear course down his cheek. I bent down and licked it off, finding different spot to kiss on him while I began to thrust.

My hand worked a steady rhythm, stroking him, and my mouth seemed to comply. I really didn't like to see him in pain, because I knew the pain was my fault. It was the first time I had ever really felt that badly for some person besides myself.

And he was so damn selfless. He wasn't even doing this one-night stand for himself; he was doing it so I'd deliver a fucking love letter for his damn brother. His _brother_, dammit. How could anyone give up as much as he had? I didn't understand it.

"Riku," he moaned, snapping me back into reality. "Oh, Riku, I think I-I'm gonna cum, Riku, I—"

He cut off his sentence with a loud moan, and I could feel him beneath my hands, hot and throbbing. I also realized that I was on the peak, as well. I felt myself release into him, and the sweet rush hit both of us, me first, and him following closely behind.

I stayed on top of him for a moment, my arms shaking to keep me from falling onto him. I licked what cum and dribbled off onto him, and then wiped myself off onto the sheets for a second time.

My arms finally gave out, and I rolled over onto the bed next to him. I pulled to cocoon of pillows around us, and pulled his flushed body next to mine. He was curled up into a ball, evidently exhausted.

"Does it hurt?" I whispered.

"Only a little. It hurt worse the first time."

"I'm sorry," I said, suddenly at a loss for words.

He stretched, trying to stand. His legs gave, and he crumpled back onto the bed.

"Stay here," I pleaded.

"But I promised—" he muttered.

I pulled him back next to my body, cutting off his words and enjoying the feel of skin on skin. My fingers ran over his back, coursing down his spin. He shivered. I smiled to myself, humming some sort of nonsense song inside my head.

"_It's me & u_

_Just me & u_

_Here at the edge of the world…"_

Sora rolled over, and I could see his expression. It was soft, and his eyes held a half-melted look. "I like that song," he said. And then he rolled back over and I continued to stroke his back.

"We'll find a way to explain something to your friends," I whispered, my voice very loud in the darkness.

Sora didn't say anything, but I could feel his ribs vibrate as he hummed the song.

I sighed and brought him closer to me, closer than I had ever been to anyone before. And I drifted off into light sleep, dreaming of how in the morning everything would go back to normal. It comforted me, to know I wasn't attached.

It also made me a bit lonely.

I switched my mind to something happier and my stomach growled. That was how I drifted off to sleep dreaming of donuts.

It wasn't until the alarm clock went off a six-thirty that I actually even thought about morning. But morning was here, all the same, and Sora was still in my bed.

"Sora," I said, elbowing him.

"What?"

"It's time to get up. You want to go get breakfast, or something?"

He blinked, staring at the red numbers glaring on the clock face. "It's only six," he mumbled. "That's too early!"

"Yeah, but it's still breakfast," I whispered. "Breakfast, with all kinds of food…cereal and donuts and waffles and pancakes and—"

"Alright!" he yelled. "I'll go with you!"

It was only when we got down to the breakfast hall that Sora froze in his tracks. "I can't go in there with you, Riku."

I shrugged. "Why not?"

"M-My friends," he whispered, pointing to one of the far tables. "I didn't know they could wake up so early…"

"My crew is over that way." I pointed to one of the larger tables, off in a private back room. "Looks like this is where we split ways."

"I guess."

We stood in silence, until finally—when I was sure no one else was watching—I pulled Sora behind a large plant and kissed him, crushing his fragile body against the wall.

Then I released him, saying nothing. He let go of my hand—which I hadn't realized he'd been holding—and slumped his shoulders, walking off to where his friends were sitting. The two girls greeted him with loud scolding. His brother met his eyes and nodded, blushing.

That brother of his—_the letter_. How could I have forgotten? I reached into the back pocket of my jeans, finding that it was still there from last night.

"Axel! Hey, Axel!" I called.

He glared up at me, his face covered with powdered sugar. "What?"

"I have a letter for you."

He took it from my outstretched hand, a bit tentative. "Thanks…"

I smiled. "No problem. Just promise me you'll read it, okay?"

"Why do I have to promise?"

"Just promise," I hissed.

"Fine. Whatever."

"H-Hey guys! Guys! Guuuuuys!" Demyx said, tapping us both on the shoulder.

"What is it, Dem?" Axel asked, rolling his eyes. "Is the world going to explode on Tuesday?"

"No. No, I found our 'Summer Love' horoscopes in _Starlet_ magazine! And Axel, it's says that you're going to have a 'secret love'! Isn't that sooooo totally exciting?"

"Depends if he's cute or not," Axel frowned, taking another bite of his donut. "What's Riku's say?"

"Oooh, this is the best one of all!" Demyx squealed, pressing his nose further into the magazine. "It says here that—"

I quickly rose from the table, making the excuse I wanted more coffee. I really didn't want to hear my 'Summer Love' horoscope. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be too kind.


	7. Him

Author's Note: Back up and running once more! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, everyone. People keep saying they're surprised I don't have more…hmmm…

Oh, I love writing this stuff…it makes my heart race, and I _know_ what's going to happen. Hahaha…

**Seven. Him**

**Roxas**

Days turned into weeks, and, before any of us knew it, the weeks turned into one month, than two, and the season slowly faded to summer. Kairi had only gotten taller and brighter, and so had Namine. I got a girlfriend, a sweet, bright girl named Olette. Sora got a therapist.

Sora was nothing like any of us remembered. Each time we thought back to when he was the happy, smiling, goofy Sora we all had known, our vision was replaced by this new Sora, who barely ever bothered to crack a joke anymore. It saddened me to see it—it was like something had forced Sora to grow up faster than he could handle.

Suddenly Sora was no longer a carefree slacker. He was an adult. He only did adult things, like watching the news and mom's daytime soap opera, _Denied Passions_, while consuming a bag and a half of potato chips. This would then be followed by Sora running down to the beach, using his small wooden sword to bash the hell out of some rocks while he cursed a name we didn't dare admit we'd heard him use.

Of course, I was the only one who seemed to know what that name really meant. Kairi and Namine and Olette—who frequently followed me for lack of anything better to do—seemed to think that _He_ had become a scapegoat for Sora. Sora had just chosen a random name to curse, and that name had been _His_.

The four of us sat on the porch then, like we always did, trying to figure if we had enough money to go see a movie or not.

"What should we go see? _Destroyers of the Universe_?" Kairi grinned evilly, making claw-like motions with her hands. "It's supposed to be _the scariest_ movie ever!"

"Scary?" Olette squeaked. "Roxy, will you hold my haaaand?"

I smiled. "'Course I will. That's what your big, bad boyfriend is here for, right?"

Kairi looked from Namine to me to Namine again. "But who's gonna hold our hands?"

"Can't you hold each other's hands?"

Namine pouted. "I guess. But it'd be better if we had a boy to go with us."

"Sora?" Olette asked quietly.

Kairi shook her head. "He wouldn't want to. He's so…out of it…lately. It's like he's not even the same person anymore!"

"He's not," I sighed. "There was…something…that changed him. It happened right after the concert, I think. I'm not sure if it was what I _think_ it was, but if it is…" I gazed towards the horizon, where several dark clouds were swirling, preparing for a storm. "Then we're going to have quite a problem on our hands."

Kairi sighed and bopped me on the back of the head. "You're speaking in riddles, Roxas. What happened at the concert? I mean, what do you think it is?"

I shook my head. "It's our secret. I'm…not allowed to say." I laughed softly. "Besides, I don't want to scar you girls for life."

All three of them sighed and averted their eyes down to the beach, where Sora was still beating out his frustration.

"Movie?" I questioned.

Their faces lit up. "You bet!" they chorused.

Of course, their interrogation of me wasn't over yet. They'd bring it up again later, when I was in more of a talkative mood. And, as was expected of me, I would spill the beans. But that would be later.

When we saw the news trucks across from the movie theater, we didn't think much of it.

"Fire," Kairi said.

"Bank robbery," Namine replied.

"Naw, probably a kidnapping," Olette retorted.

I shrugged. "Whatever. Let's just get our tickets, alright?" I said quickly, pulling the three gawking girls away from the street and underneath the canopy of the theater. "Three, please?"

The punks behind me in line began to argue while the woman printed up our tickets.

"Do you think we have enough money for this?"

"We should, if you didn't spend too much on the beer, dumbass."

"Hey, it was expensive beer! Besides, is it my fault we don't get paid enough?"

"Whatever. Just shut up and order our tickets already. I am _so_ not missing the preview because of you two."

"Anyone care to bet on how the movie ends?"

"No, Luxord. We don't care."

And on it went. I sighed, paid for the tickets, and dragged the three girls—who were still gawking at something—inside the theater.

"Ohmigod!" Olette screamed once we were inside, earning her a complementary shushing from the other moviegoers. "Was that really—?"

"I think so!"

"Holy crap, what's he doing here?"

"Vacation?"

"No, I don't think so. Hey, maybe they're shooting a video!"

"Why would they shoot a video here? If they wanted to shoot an island video, they'd go to a real resort where—"

I sighed, pulling the girls into the front row of seats. "What the heck are the three of you talking about?"

"Didn't you see?" Olette gasped. "_He's _here!"

"_He_—?" I frowned. _He_? Who the hell was _He_? And why would they be squeal over…then it hit me full force. Video shooting, the news van, all of it.

"No." I said flatly. "No. He is not here. Please, tell me you were mistaken. He really, really can't be here. If he's here and Sora—" I clamped a hand over my mouth. I had forgotten I wasn't allowed to mix those two together in a sentence.

"Sora what?" Kairi asked, raising an eyebrow. "Roxas, is there something that—"

"Hey." The voice that cut Kairi off was confident, and had a swagger to it I almost didn't like. Almost. It also made my heart beat like crazy. I didn't know the voice, nor did I know how it connected with an image in my mind. Still, the voice just seemed to _fit_, somehow.

My breath quickened. I had almost forgotten. If _He_ was here, that meant his crew would follow. And along with his crew came—

"Name's Axel," the guy said, sticking out his hand. "Can we sit here?" he asked, gesturing to a few empty seats at the end of the row.

"S-sure," I stuttered. "Go ahead."

He eased himself and the large soda he was holding into the seat next to me. My heart was pounding so loud and so fast I was sure Olette could feel my pulse quicken through my hand.

I had to remind myself of several things, the first and foremost being that I had never received a reply to the letter, nor had I ever included a photo of myself with it. He didn't know who I was, or what I had done, or that we were even connected to each other.

"So?" he asked slyly. "What's your name?"

I gulped. "Roxas."

His facial expression didn't change, but his eyes glimmered. "Roxas," he said, stretching out the syllables. "That's a rather…unusual…name."

"I could say the same for you."

He laughed at that. My body tugged. I liked his laugh. It was cocky, but there was something to it that suggested he actually found what I said funny. "I suppose you could."

The theater dimmed, and I looked down the row. I didn't exactly recognize any of the rest of the crew except for Axel. But that was a good thing, I decided. He wasn't with them. The girls probably were imagining things, or they had seen his crew and his bus and _assumed_ that he was here. The latter seemed pretty likely, actually. Girls can get over-the-top sometimes. I blame hormones.

The screen flickered and the previews blared to life, advertising things for sale, the theater snack stand, and finally the newest movies. The previews were my favorite part of the movie, actually—they kept me guessing more than the movie itself.

There was a rustling from the end of the row. Someone else had arrived, it seemed. I turned, straining to see who it was in the semi-darkness. The light from the projector caught a strand of white hair, and it gleamed in the light.

No. Oh, shit. Fuckshitcrapshitfuck…I had never been one for language, but still. Sometimes it was necessary.

Axel moved down a seat, and Riku was suddenly standing next to me.

"Hey," he said. "Can I sit here?"


	8. Soap Opera

Author's Note: **Okay, time for a deal. We hit 100 reviews, and you get a lemon with any characters of your choice. I'll start a poll then, and winning pairing is the **_**le-mon**_**. SoRiku, AkuRoku, AkuRokuDem, AkuRiku, HaynerxSeifer, whatever. (Although a few of the pairings may show up with lemons anyways. You never know! –wink wink--) 100 reviews, okay??? Start reviewing!!**

And now, straight from the Destiny Islands, we bring you…_Forbidden Love_.

Previously on our show:

"Riku," Sora whispered. "I love you."

"Don't say that, Sora. Being with me is suicide."

And meanwhile…

Axel stared Roxas down. "There's something I have to tell you," he said. "It's not your baby."

**Eight. Soap Opera**

**Sora**

"No, Nick, there's something I need to tell you," Darlene whispered.

"What is it? Is this about our baby?"

"Yes," she sobbed. "I'm sorry, but…it's Daniel's, Nick. I'm so sorry!"

"You slept with my brother? How could you? Darlene, I _love_ you. You dare to betray that love?"

"Of course she would," I muttered, finishing the last of my potato chips. "Love is stupid. You should get over it while you can."

Roxas burst in through the sliding glass door that led to the back porch. "Sora! I really need to tell you—"

"Stupid slut, Darlene. Daniel doesn't love you anyway…he's already going to propose to Helen."

"Sora, are you talking to the television again?"

"Maybe. What's it to you, anyway?"

I slid my eyes sideways, getting a good look at Roxas. Roxas, who was happy. Roxas, who had a girlfriend, not a therapist. Roxas, who hadn't fucked a popstar in some nameless, numberless hotel room…

Roxas made a dive for the empty couch space next to me, where he promptly grabbed the remote. I grabbed back. "I was watching that! Nick was just about to—" I cut off, staring at the channel he had switched it to. "The news? Why the hell do you want to watch the news?"

"Sora!" he yelled, gripping me by the shoulders and shaking me so violently that the bowl my chips had been in slid to the floor. "Would you just shut up already? Listen, there's been—"

"And now, we bring you late-breaking news from the Destiny Island Hotel. It seems that this small island has become a popular vacation spot nowadays, having recent visitors such as actor Jim Reese from _Doctors and Dames_, and award-winning playwright Shirley Hunt, we have a new breed of visitor. He's young, he's hot, and he's one of the top-grossing pop stars of all time. Riku, as he's simply known to his fans, is without a doubt a landmark visitor that will put Destiny Island on the map. And now, live from inside the hotel, we bring you Marie Welp. Marie?"

A pretty young woman with dark hair appeared on the screen. And there, sitting at one of the restaurant tables in the hotel, was _Him_. He looked gorgeous, as always. The woman began to speak. "Thank you, Dan. I am here at the hotel, and as you can see…"

The noise stopped, and I realized Roxas had put the television on mute. He wasn't speaking, but his eyes were on my face, gauging me for reaction. Unlucky for him, I didn't feel like giving one.

"Sora?" he asked softly.

"You want to put the volume back on? I wanted to hear the rest of that."

"O-okay," he said in the same timid voice.

I hated that voice. It was the your-puppy-just-died-and-I-feel-terrible voice. So what? So he was here? Like I cared. Like that royal ass suddenly ruled my world or something, just because of one night?

One stupid, single night. That—if I allowed myself to admit it, which I wouldn't—I would give anything, anything to have again. Anything. I couldn't get the thought of his hands on my skin, or his mouth…mouth on my—oh, god. _Anything._ Anything for that again.

I watched him on the television, his voice reverberating through the room. That voice…I could remember how it hummed, while he stroked my spine. It made me shiver, and I nearly melted into the couch cushions. I wanted to see him. I _needed_ to see him. So, so badly.

So why was I still so angry? Because he'd invaded my territory? Because it'd been so long, and there was no note, no letter, no phone call? It'd been a one-night stand. I tried to remind myself of that, because I couldn't. It'd felt so real, so much more. Could I just sit here and accept the idea that he might not even remember me, or that he might not even care?

No. I was too strong-willed for my own good. I stood up off the couch and brushed the potato chip crumbs from my shirt. I grabbed Roxas' arm. "C'mon. We're going downtown."

xxx

I didn't really know what I hoped to gain from it. But I raced downtown, my lungs burning, heart settled firmly in my chest. I just wanted to see him.

_Riku…your name…it means more than just all that stuff on television. More than just glory and fame and comeback stories and the song that won the world over…_

_Hotbreathonmyneck, handonmy…onmy…ohgodwhatIwouldn'tgive…_

No, that was wrong. I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to look out across that sea of cameras and fangirls and news reporters and remember me. And our eyes would lock, and he'd come and kiss me and then we'd go inside and we'd talk and we'd kiss and—wait. Who was I kidding? Like that was going to happen?

I came around the corner at full force, skidding to a stop at the edge of the already large crowd that had overflowed into the street. My eyes met Roxas', and I nodded, diving underneath the sea of elbows. I was going in. I had to, for my own sanity.

_WhatIwouldn'tgive…what I want—what do I want?_

The crowd was murmuring, and I managed to catch enough of the conversation. "Left somewhere…" "Just missed him…" "Darn, I really wanted to see him!" Off to the side, the news vans were packing up, and a remainder of the reporters were trailing out of the hotel.

It hit me. I had missed him. My chance was over.

I wasn't sure if I'd get another.

xxx

I went down to the beach and began whacking rocks in my own ritual. "Riku," I hissed with each swing. "Riku. Why? _Why Riku, why_?" I screamed, sinking into the sand. My blood was pounding in my ears, and I was suddenly aware that my body was hot all over.

I dropped the sword and lay down in the sand, shaking. It was night now, and the cold had come in with the night wind. I blew out a breath and watched it spiral into the air, leaving a silver trail like a ghost. That ghost was met by another, made of thick smoke. It wasn't mine—the smoke had come from a little ways down the beach.

I propped myself up into sitting position, grabbing my sword where I had dropped it in the sand. The single person stood there on the beach, his face only illuminated by what little light the stars gave off and the red glow of his cigarette. He dropped his cig into the sand, turned, and caught sight of me.

"Enjoying the stars, too?"

_Whywhywhy? RikudoyourealizewhatIdreamatnight? What I WANT? I want—I want—_

I smiled weakly, recognizing his voice. "A little. I come here a lot."

_Movecloser…comecloserdon'tbeafraid…I want—what I really want—_

He moved closer, until finally he was close enough that he dropped onto the sand next to me. "So, what's your name?"

"Sora."

_I want to know—knowthetruth…I want to taste it and smell it and drink it until it fills me up with light like the moon…_

"Sora," he whispered. I could hear his breath catch. Did he remember? No, he couldn't. It'd go against everything. Every part of my body silently screamed.

_What is the truth? DO YOU REMEMBER ME?_

He sat for a minute, silently brooding. Then his head whipped around and he looked me straight in the eyes. Those eyes of his, so bright and gleaming. I wanted to see them look at me _that way_ again, like they had that night in the hotel, when he'd dropped me onto the bed and--

"I should be going," he said quickly. "I have things to do."

I turned and watched him disappear into the night. Then I collapsed backwards onto the sand, letting out the breath I didn't know I'd been holding. When our eyes had locked, I'd gotten my answer.

_Yes._


	9. It's Great to Be a Liar

**Author's Note:** Yeah, more of an AkuRoku sort of chapter. A loooooong chapter. You guys deserve more wordy goodness! I love Axel, mostly because he's so quirky. And yes, another made-up song!

And Roxas and Sora part-time jobs… It's fun to write them in the workplace. Do you think the jobs are right for them? I dunno…I can't see Sora being a book nerd…guess a job is a job, eh?

Hahaha… Anyway, you see that review button? It loves to be clicked almost as much as Riku loves to make hot, sweaty love to Sora.

…I'll bake you cooookies…

**Warning:** Lots of screaming and swearing towards the end, in case you don't want anyone else to read over your shoulder.

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**Nine. It's Great to Be a Liar**

**Axel**

"So what do I do, then?" he asked me.

He shut the curtains, plunging the room into blackness. The bedside lamp clicked on. His face looked ghostly, illuminated by the light. He was so…pale. Was he sick? I couldn't tell.

"I mean, do I just ignore him or what?"

"Okay, okay," I sighed, perching on edge of the bed with my can of nuts I had swiped from the mini bar. "Run over this again with me. Who is this kid?"

He sighed and sat next to me, reaching for the nuts. I pulled them away quickly. "Oh no you don't. These nuts are _mine_, man! Mine!"

"Fine, have your nuts. I still own your ass and your soul anyways." He leered at me, leaning closer. I gulped. "Or don't you remember that game of poker from last week?"

I rubbed my ass, wincing. I remembered a little_ too_ fondly. "No, I remember," I said, munching on a few cashews. "But going back to our original conversation…_who_ is this kid?"

"Do remember that concert in Twilight Town a little while back?"

I paused and frowned, digging through the can to find some almonds. I wasn't sure if I remembered or not. Frankly, the concerts seemed to all run together. It was normally a haze of beer and cigarettes and sex and such…and dancing. Yeah, there was dancing in there too. And sometimes back-up vocals. But no concert in specific came to mind.

"I can't say that I do."

"Think harder, then. You and the guys went to a club and you called me at, like, three in the morning."

I thought back. I had some sort of vague memory like that, but I'd called him at three more than once. "Alright, maybe. Weren't you, like, fucking some kid then?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

The heat was rising to his pale face now, and there was a pink tinge in his cheeks. Riku, king of cool, blushing over some kid? I hadn't thought it possible.

"So he's that kid, huh?"

I watched Riku hang his head at my realization. "Yeah." He chuckled softly. "Yeah, that's him." He lifted his head and looked me in the eye with that piercing stare of his. That red-hot, black-and-white, I-know-all-your-secrets stare. "And you know why he did it? Because of his kid brother. I gave that letter to you, you remember?"

"Letter?" I frowned. I didn't remember getting a letter from any kid or Riku. I didn't think I had ever really gotten any letters in my life except the occasional junk mail now and then.

"I gave to you at breakfast the next day. You promised to read it!" He sounded angry now, angrier than I had ever seen him.

"Whoa, calm down, okay? I didn't think it was that important. I mean, it didn't even really say anything on the envelope. How the hell was I supposed to know it was so important?"

"You couldn't," he muttered, helping himself to a large handful of nuts. "You couldn't know." He sighed and flopped back onto the bed. "But it doesn't matter now, anyway. I hadn't ever expected to see him again, you know? And now suddenly he's here, and it's like…what do I do, Axel?" he pleaded softly. "What do I do?"

"Well, that depends…" I said. "The way I see it, you have three options. First, you can run away."

"Not possible. The press would be all over it. And besides, Leon asked me to stay put for once."

"Option two," I began, ticking them off on my fingers. "You can ignore the kid. Avoid him when you can, act like you don't know him or don't remember who he is."

He grimaced. "That seems a bit harsh. I mean…he's just a kid. And it's not like he did anything wrong…"

I grinned. "Then I guess option three is the only one left."

"Option three?"

"Yup. There's only one thing to do—we need to get you and the kid together for some more _alone time_."

He sat up so fast I was nearly thrown off the bed. "What?"

"You and the kid," I said, leaning closer to his face. "Together. _Alooooone_. Now tell me, what is better than that, eh? There's your summer love, Riku!"

"I don't need a summer love." He hunched over, face propped on his hands.

"Oh, is wittle Wiku afwaid?"

"Can it, Axel."

I straightened up and cleared my throat. "Are you?"

"Maybe. I mean, what do I say to him? 'The sex was phenomenal, want to do it again sometime?' I don't think that's gonna work."

I grinned. Riku hadn't been forced to deal with this sort of thing before. I, on the other hand, was a pro. I'd had plenty of both sexes—not to mention plenty of sex. Of course, those were two different things. But still, it wouldn't hurt to give poor Romeo a push in the right direction, even if he would have to figure it out by himself.

"Relax, Riku. You just leave it all to me."

xxx

"But whyyyyy?" Demyx whined. "Axel, do we really have to go all the way across town for this?"

"We can't order everything on room service. And I don't know about you, but I need a good tub of Cookie Dough Chip, and maybe some Rainbow Sherbet." I paused to think on that. I needed more than just ice cream. "And nachos. What would we need for nachos?"

"Cheese! And those Mexican chips…and…and salsa!"

"Good thinking! Salsa! We can have ourselves a regular party in room two-thirteen!"

"Yeah," Demyx said. "Just don't party…y'know…_too_ hard. We have to get to that recording studio in Radiant Garden tomorrow, remember?"

"What are we recording?" a quiet voice asked from behind both of us.

I kept walking, not bothering to turn to answer. "Some new song…_Can't Wait to Fall in Love_, or something, he said."

Demyx squealed and pivoted, taking Zexion in a headlock. "Look at you here on the island, you little Emo Kid! You're _talking_!"

"You act like I don't speak at all. What am I, mute or something?"

Demyx gave another squeak and ruffled Zexion's hair.

"Demyx, please remove yourself from my shoulder. It's getting hard to walk."

Zexion sighed and Demyx removed himself, reaching out one hand to fix said Emo Kid's emo hair.

I stopped dead on the sidewalk. "Whoa."

That was about the only word for it. I had laid eyes on just about the largest arcade I had ever seen. The Spitfire Arcade—as it was called—stretched for a good length of the block. I felt my jaw drop just from seeing the few games I could from the large windows in the front.

"They have _Darkheart Crown II_!" I gasped. I felt like praying. Truly, this arcade was holy ground.

No one spoke. We all just stared, and I swear a wind and one of those bristly catus-thingys blew across the road.

Zexion piped up, "Well, are we going to blow quarters here or what? Those nachos aren't going to wait all day, you know."

I gripped the sleek metal door handle in my trembling hand. "Are you kidding? This is, like, the holiest of all holy places! Screw nachos and cheese and Mexican chips and salsa! I'd rather screw imaginary videogame boys in my head!"

Demyx shifted closer to Zexion. "He gets like this sometimes," he whispered. "I find it's best to just _stay calm_."

We stepped inside the cool, dimly lit building, taking in the smells of pizza and soda and sweat and the metal smell of the machines. I raced to the _Darkheart Crown_ machine, only to find that it was taken by some scrawny blonde kid.

"Damn!" He pounded the machine. GAME OVER was clearly printed in little white letters on the screen. He reached into his pocket for a few more quarters, but he seemed to have run out.

I smiled. This kid had spunk. He didn't seem to be too bad a gamer, either. I slapped a few quarters down on the machine. "Play again?"

"You're treating?"

I shrugged. "I guess. This game is two-player, isn't it? Maybe you wouldn't die so much if you had some help."

"I don't need help. I've just been having a bad day. Half the high scores on there are mine, anyway." He crossed his arms and stared me down. His lower lip stuck out in a small pout. I hadn't ever seen anything so adorable. I couldn't tell if he wanted to impress me or if he just wanted me to go away.

"Then maybe you can show me the ropes?"

"Wish I could," he said, checking his watch, "but I have to go. It's almost four."

"Maybe some other time then?"

"Maybe. I dunno. I'm here a lot, though. Could happen." He shrugged and dashed out the door.

I only realized then what I'd forgotten—his name. I'd forgotten to ask his name. And for some reason, I couldn't shake the thought that I knew him from somewhere.

Damn.

xxx

"Axel?" Demyx said when we left the Arcade.

"What?"

"Where are we going now?"

I grinned. "Glad you asked, Dem. We're going the last place any of us would ever go—except for maybe Emo Kid."

Zexion scowled. "You know I hate it when you call me that."

"Funny. You don't say that when Demyx calls you Emo Kid."

"Yeah, well…Demyx is Demyx."

"Point taken."

Demyx glanced up at the building we were standing in front of. "The library? Why here?"

I could understand his surprise. I didn't like libraries—a point I made clear all too often. They were too quiet for me, too clean…hell, librarians don't even like it when you talk, let alone smoke. And smoking was one of the only things I liked better than talking.

"Yeah," Zexion sniggered. "Axel can't read, remember?"

"I can so, Emo Kid. Just because I'm not in a _dark well of despair_"—I stopped to add quote-unquote finger motions— "doesn't mean I'm uneducated."

Zexion shoved me aside and slipped inside. "Mmmm," I heard him say. "Don't you just love how books smell?"

"Yeah, whatever," I said, stepping up to the counter. "Hey, you! Kid working!"

A small, spiky-haired brunette turned around, a my-day-is-hard-enough-the-way-it-is look in his eyes. "Can I help you?"

"Do you have any old yearbooks we can look at?"

"Yearbooks as in…school yearbooks?"

"Yep. Probably from the past two years or so, possibly?"

"Axel," Demyx whispered. "Axel, what does this have to do with anything?"

"Just wait," I whispered back. "You'll see."

"Axel?" I heard him say softly. He wasn't speaking to us—he was questioning himself. He seemed to recognize my name, but I didn't know how.

"It's my name," I said. "Axel. What's yours?"

The books fell onto the desk with a heavy thud. "Sora."

"Sora," I smiled, and I could see Demyx's face express recognition. Of course, the others didn't know about who Sora was, or what he meant to Riku. They had just heard the name tossed around a bit. I lowered my voice. "I need a few other books, too. You know…for the _Boss_."

He raised an eyebrow. "Boss?"

"Yeah, the Boss. You know…" I waited for him to get it, but he didn't. Was this kid that dense? I elaborated. "Riku."

"Riku!" he yelped, perhaps a little too loudly.

I leaned against one of the pillars near the desk and lit a cigarette. "Yeah. He's looking for some specific titles, y'know?"

He brought up the computer search engine. His hands were visibly shaking. Could a name stir a person that much?

"Shoot."

"Okay…just a minute, let me think…" I brought a hand to my chin, pretending like I couldn't remember the titles. Granted, this stunt would probably scar the kid for life, but… "Um, _Sex and the Common Man_, _21 Ways to Have More Fun in Bed_…oh, what was the last one? Oh, yeah! _Pleasure Your Lover: Screaming, Dreaming, and So Much More_."

The kid was plugging them into the search engine with amazing delicacy. He seemed to be trying to suppress either a laugh or a scream. His face, however, was not so easily concealed. He was bright red from the tip of his chin to the tops of his ears.

"You…uh, got all that?" I asked.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Yeah, I got all that. 'Cept you're gonna need a library card. Can't check out the books if you don't have a library card." He opened a drawer behind the desk and pulled out a library card application and a pen. "Here. Fill that out while I…go…go get the books…"

Behind me, Demyx snorted. "Way to nearly give the kid a coronary, doosh."

Zexion blinked. "Those books aren't _really_ for Riku, are they?"

I grinned and gave him a wink. "'Course they are…he just doesn't know he wants them yet. Why? You want to read them first, Emo Kid?"

"No—I mean—I-I wouldn't—" he stuttered, blushing furiously.

I finished off the application with a flourish of the pen and took another drag of my cig. "That's what I thought."

Sora heaved a pile of books onto the desk. "Alrighty, we got your yearbooks, and those um…other books, too. You finished with the application?"

I handed it to him. He scanned it and plugged some info into the computer. Then he handed over a small pink card and a Sharpie. "Sign the back, please." He took it back and scanned it into the computer. "Okay, it seems to work. Now lemme get those books of yours."

He scanned the books, hit some buttons, and handed me a slip. "There," he said darkly. He seemed glad to be getting rid of me. "Your books are due back in two weeks. Have a fabulous day."

"Here," I reached into my pocket and pulled out a slip of paper, scribbling on it with the Sharpie. "This address, tomorrow morning at ten. Riku would like to see you."

I turned and headed back towards the doors. He could come or he could stay home. Either way, it didn't matter. It wasn't like Riku would be expecting him—I had told a little white lie once again. And little white lies don't hurt anyone.

xxx

"Are you setting this up?" Demyx asked, staring me down from the seat across from mine.

"Setting what up?" I said innocently. I opened my pack of smokes and lit up another; the last one had burned out quite a while ago.

"You know. With Riku and that kid. You wrote something on that paper slip and you said Riku wanted all those sex books—"

"Demyx, relax. I'm not "setting up" anything. I'm just telling a few white lies, that's all."

"And Riku is cool with this?" Zexion asked. Of course, he'd obviously guess the truth.

"He doesn't know yet."

"And why this kid? I know you went looking for him at the library, Ax. You asked the desk clerk earlier where you could find him. What's so special about this kid? Why does Riku care?"

I watched their expressions grow as I explained the whole story the way Riku had explained it to me. Once I was done, they both seemed to have nothing more to say.

The train ground to a halt. "Next stop, Radiant Garden. All passengers please disembark carefully. Thanks you for traveling with your local train system. Have a pleasant day!"

"Axel?" Demyx tugged at my sleeve.

"What?"

"Um…where are we going?"

"There's a gaming store here somewhere. The desk clerk told me about it. 'Cause, y'know, we brought the Game Station 3 all this way and we have barely anything to play! We've beaten it all already! So, I figured…why not get some new games?"

Demyx pumped a fist in the air. "Nice! Woo-hoo! New games here we come!"

Zexion raised an eyebrow. "You got money for these games?"

"Nothin' a little prostitution and a few lies can't cure," I grinned, pulling out my wallet to count the few bills I did have.

"We really should rid you of that lying mechanism."

"Can't. It's a habit…though not necessarily a bad one."

I pulled both of them over to the sidewalk and began to search the large map sign that stood in between the two tracks. A little red arrow pointed to the train station and read "you are here". That didn't really help much—it was kind of obvious I was at the train station, wasn't it?

"Oblivion Avenue," I muttered. "Oblivion Ave…Oblivion Ave…"

Zexion jammed his finger in the southern corner of the map. "Found it."

Twenty minutes and two ice cream cones (strawberry for Demyx; chocolate for Zexion) later, we finally reached the store and I pushed my way inside. Demyx and Zexion opted to finish their cones and wait for me.

The bell above the door gave a lonely ring; the shop was nearly empty except for the clerk and a couple of shifty looking guys huddled by a magazine rack in the corner. Still, it was a pretty nice store—you could tell it hadn't been open too long. The smell of new carpet still hung in the air.

I sauntered up to the counter where the clerk seemed to be idly wasting away his shift. Headphones were stuck in his ears, and the blaring music sounded even louder in the quiet store. He was reading some sort of gamer magazine, though even I could tell he had something else—a porn magazine, from the looks of it—hidden in its pages. He didn't bother to look up, even though he was obviously paying attention; his dull and unfocused eyes made it clear he wasn't reading his magazine. The tag attached to his black and green Game Central polo read, "Hello, my name is Roxas".

"Roxas," I said slowly, drawing out the syllables. "That's a pretty unusual name."

He popped out his headphones and wrapped them around his neck. I could hear the song clearly now.

"_They say you're so good, _

_You're so clean_

_You're boyfriend's an angel_

_You don't even know what that means._

_Two-timing pop-u-lar girl,_

_Is he the second or the third?_

_No, don't tell me how good you are_

_I don't wanna hear another word._

_You're a good girl,_

_And it's great to be a liar_

_Practice makes perfect,_

_Honey, where's the fire?_

_They roll right off your tongue so fast_

_It's great to be a liar_

_Liar, liar, liar, _

_Great to be a liar."_

"Do you need help with something, Axel?" he said dully, as though my very presence was a great big problem for him.

"You know my name?"

I was a bit taken aback. I didn't think I'd met this kid before in my life.

He shut his magazine and set it down on the counter. His boredom seemed to be wearing off. "You introduced yourself to me at the movie theater."

I blinked. He was the same skinny little punk with the spiky blonde hair from the arcade. And the theater? Maybe, but it had been a bit too dark to remember _exactly_ what he looked like.

"So? What do you need?"

I picked up his magazine and slid the other from inside it, examining it with disjoined interest. The magazine was porn, as I had suspected, but it was mild—mostly half-naked guys and swimsuit models, with a few raunchier pictures thrown in. It didn't seem to feature guys or girls, but rather some of each.

"You bi?"

His face darkened. "_Is there something you need?_"

An obvious yes.

"Depends. I need some games. What would you recommend?"

"What gaming platform do you have?" he asked, still eyeing me and his magazine warily.

I set the magazine back down on the counter and leaned in closer. I liked this kid. He was feisty, and he was pouting again. It was damn cute.

"Game Station 3. When's your break?"

"Game Station," he said, ignoring me. "Well, there's _Super Princess Violet, Last Refuge II, Darkheart Crown III_…"

"_Darkheart Crown III_? I didn't think it was out yet."

He shrugged and grabbed a copy from the glass case behind the counter. "Came out about a month ago. Pretty good, though the graphics could use a tune-up and some of the mini games suck. So you'll take this, then?"

I slid what money I had across the counter. "Yes. When do you get a break?"

"I don't really think that's any of your business."

"No," I insisted. "I want to know. When do you get a break?"

"Why do you care?"

I smirked and took my change and the plastic bag containing the game. I leaned across the counter, lowering my voice. "You hiring here?"

"What? No, I don't know! Come back tomorrow when the manger's here." He threw his hands in the air. "Why do I get the crazy ones?" he muttered.

"Hmmm. And if I was to get hired, what would my hours be like?"

He pointed to a small sign hanging by the door. "Monday thru Saturday, nine to nine. Ten to six on Sundays. There are three shifts. The manager mostly works in the afternoons or mornings, if you need to see him."

I nodded, listening to what he said. I hadn't been seriously considering a job, but if I managed to get myself scheduled with this cutie… "Mmhmm, right. And _when_ do you get a break?"

"And why do you care?"

I leaned back against the counter. "You're cute, that's why. We could go find a back alley and have ourselves a half-decent fuck."

"Y-you…you would expect me to—no! No way in hell's deepest, darkest fiery pit!"

"I see. Except the pit wouldn't be dark if it was fiery, would it?"

"Get out!"

"You could just answer the question!" I shouted.

"GET OUT, YOU INTOLERABLE BASTARD!" he shouted back.

The shifty guys by the magazine rack looked up and scurried out of the store.

"FINE!" I yelled. "IGNORE ME; SEE IF ANYONE FUCKS YOU THEN! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD KILL TO HAVE ME?"

"I DON'T NEED YOU TO FUCK ME—I _HAVE_ A GIRLFRIEND!" he yelled, constantly jabbing a finger towards the door, "AND I'D MUCH RATHER FUCK HER INSTEAD OF YOU ANY DAY!"

I growled and turned to stomp out of the store, fuming. My palms were heating up. If I didn't stop soon, they'd flame—then we'd have a _real_ problem on our hands. "Liar," I hissed. "You need me, lonely bitch. Admit it. Lots of boys would kill to have me."

"I know."

The words quivered from his lips and hung in the air, and I couldn't help but think he meant them. There was more to him than met the eye. He wasn't innocent, much as he looked it.

And a girlfriend? I snorted. I boy like him, so timid until provoked, couldn't catch a cold, much less a girl.

Even if he had caught me.

Demyx was leaning against the window of the store, and Zexion was seated on the concrete next to him. The ice cream cones were long gone.

I smiled stiffly and motioned for them to head back to the train station. "Well," I said, taking each of their arms in mine, "I think that went well, don't you?"


	10. Can't Wait to Fall in Love

**Author's Note: **Well, here's chapter ten—finally! I couldn't really think what to write next, so I took a small break and ran into Karri in the grocery store. And it's thanks to her I've been inspired once again! (Since I originally started this fic for her, anyway…but it's become so much bigger than that!)

Let's keep up all the reviews—they help so much! All of you and your alerts and favorites and reviews are so, so awesome. Every word (especially the kissing scenes and the lemons) I write is for you guys!

**Warning:** Swearing, sexual references, Axel being Axel, Doctor McLoveMuffin, etc.

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**Ten. Can't Wait to Fall in Love**

**Riku**

Axel dumped a stack of books on my bed later that night. "There," he said, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. "Now you can't say I've never done anything for you."

"Done what?" I asked incredulously. I picked up one book, opened it to a random page, and immediately shut it again, my cheeks growing to the color of a ripe apple. "Axel!" I shrieked, looking at the titles he'd gotten me. "What the hell are these books for?"

"Because," Axel said, rolling his eyes. I could tell I was about to get a not-so-straight answer from him. "When two boys love each other very much, sometimes they wish to engage in a pleasurable act called—"

"Axel. Just shut up and stop worming around the question," I snapped. He ignored me and continued his speech.

"—sex. And sometimes, if the two boys are inexperienced, they need a little push in the right direction. And that my friend is where I, Doctor Axel McLoveMuffin—"

I coughed, trying not to choke on my own saliva as I laughed. "Where the hell is that name from, a fast-food breakfast? Axel, it's nice of you to try and do this for me, but I don't want any help. Really. I don't want to be with Sora."

Axel stopped in mid-speech, gaping. "You can't really mean that," he said slowly. "What about all this 'one night of burning passion' stuff? This is fate, Riku, and you know it. Somewhere, in some cell of your seventeen-year-old body, you want this. You want him. Not to mention that your Summer Love Horoscope said—"

"You actually read it?" I groaned. He kept continuing to talk. It was like I hadn't said anything at all.

"And"—he proceed to whip out one of the yearbooks I'd gotten, flipping to a certain page he'd marked—"you know you would love to see more of this."

I gulped. There was a picture of the Destiny Island Academy Boy's Swim Team, all of whom were posing in short swim trunks. And, smack dab in the middle of the picture, was Sora.

I quickly shut it before I got any more ideas. "Axel, take that thing away, will you?"

"Ah, wait!" he crooned, flipping to another page. The Gaming Club. He pointed to a small blonde, half-hidden in the back, a sullen expression on his face. I actually might have thought him cute if he'd been smiling. "Roxas," he grinned. "Isn't he gorgeous?"

I smirked. "So you're working on your own romance instead too, of just mine, Doctor McLoveMuffin? He looks like a _real_ lively one, for sure."

"Hey!" Axel snapped the yearbook shut in my face. "Don't mock the Doctor! He has just the prescription for _you_…"

"No thanks, Axel. Right now, the Sand Man has his own prescription for me—sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. So if you could just _get out_—"

"Fine," he huffed, chucking the yearbook on the bed. "But don't ever expect any help from me ever again!" The door slammed behind him, and I knew he was finally gone.

Well, gone for the night. He'd be back tomorrow, offering me advice that I didn't want. Axel was someone who always seemed to be _there_, whether you wanted him or not.

Once I was sure Axel wasn't coming back I cracked open the yearbook and stared at Sora until finally I fell asleep, my cheek stuck to the glossy page.

xxx

The next morning was a hectic one. We had to be ready to go by nine, since our recording studio stint was at nine-thirty, and it took a good fifteen minutes to get to Radiant Garden.

Of course, since we were only recording and not performing a show, we were allowed to arrive bleary and sleepy-eyed, wearing clothes that often didn't match. Demyx and Zexion slept on each other's shoulders during the train while Axel tried to tame his hair, which still stood in wild red spikes whether he styled it or not.

A slung my head back, trying to sleep despite the near-constant rays of sun that shined through my eyelids.

There was a flurry of whispering, and I knew someone recognized me. It was like a sixth sense—whispering equals recognition.

"Riku?" a small voice asked from my side.

I lifted my head and did my best to put a grin on, even though it was nine in the morning and I was wearing a tank top and cotton pajama pants. "The one and only," I smiled, giving her a wink.

She promptly gasped, burst into tears—tears of joy, I hoped dearly—and fainted. Her friends all rushed over, tending to her first, and then asking me to autograph their arms in lipstick. I obliged, feeling bad that I had caused their friend to faint like that. They said not to worry about it, and then one of them proceeded to propose to me.

I declined.

By the time it was our stop, I couldn't wait to get off. Seifer came off the platform in front of me, and Fuu and Rai flanked me on either side. Axel, Demyx, Zexion, Luxord and Hayner brought up the rear. I let out a sigh of relief, glad that I was now surrounded by a human barrier. I didn't want any more encounters like the previous one.

Axel was grinning, and it unnerved me. It wasn't a normal happy-to-be-here grin, nor was it a friendly grin. It was more a leering, evil, I-know-something-you-don't grin. And whenever Axel had a grin like that plastered on his face, something bad was going to happen.

We approached the studio, feeling the heat of sun-warmed bricks radiating from its surface. The street was entirely deserted except for a kid leaning against the side of the studio, playing games on his cell phone. He looked up as we approached, his blue eyes locking onto mine.

"Riku, hey!" he called.

I stiffened. So Sora was here, in a town fifteen minutes away from his own, standing in front of the studio I just so happened to be recording at. Stalker much?

"He's early," Axel whispered from behind me, most likely to Demyx.

I whirled on him. "He's _what_, Axel?" I asked menacingly. "_Early_? As in to say, _you knew he was coming_?" I pushed his chest, sending him back into Demyx's arms. "As in to say, you probably INVITED HIM YOURSELF?"

"Whoa, calm down, man. I really didn't think you'd take it this way…"

"What's that? _Didn't think_? You happen to do that a lot, Axel. You stop to think for a plan only long enough to put it into action. You don't think about how anyone is going to react."

"Riku, I-I—"

"Look, I'll just leave," Sora said quietly from his spot against the building. It was clear he didn't like being the causer of trouble.

I pivoted on my heel and rushed towards him, taking his upper arm in my hand and dragging him inside the studio. He seemed at a loss for words, but so was I.

I didn't stop until I had locked both of us inside the high-class men's bathroom. Then I finally let go of him, taking my time to speak. He didn't deserve to have me angry at him.

"Why are you here?"

His answer was so quiet that I had to strain to hear it. "I-I wanted to see you. And that guy, Axel…he gave me this address and said you wanted to see me at ten today, here. So I decided to show up early, just in case you came early, too. And you did."

"We're recording today," I said, sinking against one of the stall doors. "He set you up. He set _us_ up."

His words, so small they fell in drops…he wanted to see me? Maybe Axel was right…maybe this _could _work.

"Recording," he said tonelessly. "That's great."

"Yeah."

There was a long silence, awkward and uninvited. After all, what did you say in a situation like this?

"So," Sora said, giving a small laugh. "This isn't _too_ awkward, is it?"

"I know, right? I mean, what do you say, 'The sex was phenomenal, want to do it again sometime?'"

"That might work," he laughed. "Although, I think it was more awkward for my brother yesterday."

"Your brother?"

"Yeah. I guess he was working and that friend of yours—Axel—came in and started hitting on him, and then asked him when his break was. He said they could fuck in the alley in between shifts."

"Your brother said that?"

"No," he said, his cheeks flushing. "Axel did, of course. Sex fiend he is. And he came into the library where I work yesterday, and he checked out all these sex books—"

I laughed out loud at that. "No way! He gave those books to me—and when I asked why he was all, 'Well Riku, when two boys love each other very much'…"

"So you're really gay, then?" Sora said softly.

"What do you mean, 'Are you really?'?"

"Well, I wasn't sure how you swung…I mean, I could've just been—"

"Well you weren't," I said sharply. "And I don't know if I'm gay or not. I guess I just swing whatever way fits me best…and since my manager refuses to let me have a girlfriend, boys seem to be the way to go. I don't have a problem with it, really, except that the media would have a field day if they found out. But they haven't, so it doesn't matter."

"But…if you and I were to…" he said. "I mean, if we…dated…" He caught sight of my expression and seemed to have the courage to keep going. "Wouldn't the media find out then? I mean, you just _can't_ date with all the hype. It doesn't work that way."

"Sora." I stood up and walked over before kissing him fiercely on the lips. He didn't object, but he seemed a bit taken aback. I decided to keep it as chaste as possible, pulling away after only a few blissful seconds. "You'll find that one of the secrets to my sort of a relationship is that I'm very good at keeping secrets."

xxx

Axel and I both adjusted our headphones, ready to sing. The man at the switchboard gave us a thumbs up and I waited for the intro music to cue, finally starting once the real song began.

"_Can't wait a minute, can't wait a day,_

_Can't wait an hour no way, no waaaaay!"_

Axel joined in, his rough, deep voice adding to my clean one.

"_I just can't wait to fall in love_

_Wiiiith you."_

"_Fall in love," _Axel crooned.

"_Boy there's always room_

_Fooooor two."_

"_Room for two."_

"_If there's a reason I can't wait_

_It's yoooou."_

"_It's you."_

"_Let's fall in love right now."_

I caught sight of Sora and smiled. He was talking to Leon, who seemed overly interested in him. I really, really hoped Sora could keep our secret. I doubted Leon liked me dating boys any more than girls. I'd have to talk to him about interrogating Sora later. In my world, Leon wasn't allowed to talk to my friends like he was currently talking to Sora. Maybe that was why I didn't have many friends in the first place.

"_If I wait a week I'll fall apart._

_Please stop playing with my heart!_

_If I wait a month, I'll disappear._

_I need you in my arms, always right here!"_

Sora was looking real nervous now. He fiddled with his fingers and I clutched the headphones closer to my head, letting the music drown me. I just kept praying and singing.

_Please, please Sora…be _careful

"_I just can't wait to fall in love_

_Wiiiith you._

_Boy there's always room_

_Fooooor two._

_If there's a reason I can't wait_

_It's yoooou._

_Let's fall in love right now._

_Can't wait!_

_Ohhhhhh, can't wait._

_Can't wait a minute, can't wait a day!_

_Can't wait an hour no way, no way!_

_Can't wait to fall in looooove,_

_Can't wait to fall in looooove,_

_Let's fall in love right now!"_

The song finished, and I gladly removed the bulky headphones. I pried Leon away from Sora, and once we were given the good to go we ran out of the studio like there was no tomorrow.

"So," I said, being careful to wear sunglasses and a hooded sleeveless sweatshirt (to hide my rather unique hair) when we had left the deserted studio. "Know any good places for lunch?"

"Is it just us?"

"Yep. The others are going off by themselves, and Axel says he has business downtown." I leaned in and made sure no one was watching as I gave Sora a quick kiss on the cheek. "So, where to?" I said happily.

Sora took my arm and steered us down another side street, claiming to know the town by heart.

Neither of us heard the click of a camera from the nearby bushes.


	11. The Unwanted Rival

**Author's Note:** Burger Dungeon was named by my younger brother. I swear I had _nothing_ to do with the stupidity of it… (Okay, maybe I did…a little…)

But it can only get harder for our heroes, can't it? Oh, what Yuffie and the paparazzi will do next…

And this chapter is uploaded in honor of my 17th birthday tomorrow. And you all know reviews make good presents...

**Warnings:** Swearing, badly named fast-food restaurants…etc.

* * *

**Eleven. The Unwanted Rival**

**Sora **

"I can't believe you love this stuff, too," I said, scarfing down three more fries at the same time.

He laughed and picked up his burger, biting into it. "Yeah. It's kind of a novelty. You can get all the gourmet food in the world, but in the end nothing beats the deep-fried, overly-processed goodness of Burger Dungeon."

Over in the corner a booth full of preteen girls giggled and sipped their Cokes, constantly staring our way. Riku twitched every time one of them whispered something to the other. They seemed to recognize him, even while he did have his hair covered up and his eyes hidden by sunglasses. It was only a matter of time before one of them had the courage to interrupt our lunch.

I was afraid to meet Riku's eyes—even if they were hidden behind sunglasses—so I found myself staring out the window. It was actually very entertaining. Across the street was a strip mall and Taco Prison, the Burger Dungeon's fast-food rival. And next to that, the clear underdog in the food business and local favorite was the Happy-Go-Lucky Pizzeria. The locals called it Lucky's, just because it was easier on the mouth.

I watched now as a couple emerged from Taco Prison. One of them was tall, with amazing cherry-red hair. The other was short, blonde, and had a rather grumpy look on his face as the redhead ruffled his hair…. I frowned. "Is that…?"

Riku looked up and followed my gaze. "Axel," he said. "Oh, and that kid…I think he showed me a picture of that kid last night."

"Roxas," I mumbled, whipping out my cell phone. I had all important numbers on speed dial. Roxas was number two, right after Lucky's Pizza.

I watched as the blonde across the street shied away from the redhead's touch, searching his pants pockets. I also realized he was wearing a green and black Game Central polo shirt. My stomach churned, and I felt like vomiting.

"Yeah?" an annoyed voice asked on the other end of the line.

"But c'mon, Roxas—it was just a _little_ kiss…not even on the lips, for god's sake!" I heard someone cry in the background.

Riku's eyes widened at the sound of Axel's voice. He nearly spit out the Coke he'd been drinking. This was just too perfect.

I decided formalities were not worth it. "Taco Prison, Roxas?" I said quietly, trying to ignore Riku as he shook with silent laughter, "I thought your standards were higher than that."

"SORA!" Roxas yelled into the phone. I held it five feet away from my ear, and I could still hear Axel pleading in the background. I'd caught Roxas at a bad time, it seemed. "What the fuck? How the hell do you know where I am?" His voice dropped lower. "Get me the hell out of here. _Please_."

I laughed. "I'm at Burger Dungeon, fourth window table. I have a perfect view of all of this. Kissed you on the cheek, did he? Oh, what a pity you've got a girlfriend."

"You're an ass."

"You are too, in case you haven't noticed. Didn't you used to be much nicer than this?"

"Shit happens."

"I guess." I paused, waiting for Roxas to say something else.

"But you were the one who said I could take you here!" Axel yelped. "I thought it was like a date, Roxy!"

"Don't _call_ me that!" Roxas sighed into the phone. "I gotta go. I'll catch you at home."

"Enjoy your date, Roxy," I grinned into the phone.

"Go to hell."

There was a buzzing sound, and I knew Roxas had hung up. Riku and I watched for a few more minutes until finally Roxas and Axel headed back towards Game Central.

"So," Riku said. "That little brother of yours is a bit angry, isn't he?"

"Twin brother," I corrected. "And he's really not so bad. Actually, he's usually very friendly. But with Axel…you know, Roxas waited for a while for an answer to his letter, telling himself not to get his hopes up, and when no answer came, he got angry. Axel's redeeming himself for something he probably doesn't even know he did, and Roxas is most likely too stubborn to tell him." I paused, waiting for recognition. "You remember the letter, right?"

"Of course. I haven't forgotten anything about…yeah." Riku swallowed another sip of Coke as we avoided the subject once again. "He doesn't know. Axel accidentally threw that letter away, thinking it wasn't important. I don't think he knows Roxas is your brother, let alone the kid from the letter."

"And who are we to tell them, hey?" I grinned. "They can work it out for themselves. Roxas could use someone to fight with, given that he and his girlfriend haven't been on such good terms lately."

"So he really does have a girlfriend? I should remember to tell Axel that. He told me he thinks Roxas is just saying that so he doesn't have to go out with Axel."

"No," I smiled softly, and I could feel my eyes melting. "Her name's Olette. They're rather cute together…they hold hands during movies, and things like that. It's a simple, uncomplicated relationship. And he's happy. I mean, he has it all…what more could he ask for, really?"

"And you want to be happy like that?" Riku asked, resting his chin in his hands. He took off his sunglasses, piercing me with the full force of his gaze.

I couldn't give him anything but an honest answer. Not when he was looking at me with those eyes. Eyes that couldn't lie.

"Yes."

Riku stood up and took our garbage to the trash can before coming back to the table and taking my hand in his. He led me outside, pinning me against the hot brick of the building. Everyone in the parking lot had a direct view of us, as did the pedestrians across the street. It made me nervous to know there were so many eyes on us, even if they only glanced for a second.

"I am going to get in so much trouble for this," he murmured as his lips closed in on mine.

The kiss pressed me against the hot brick, and the heat of my blood rushing to my head made my body even hotter. I gripped Riku's thin sweatshirt between my fingers, trying to pull him closer to me. His hot breath escaped onto the skin of my lips, setting them on fire. I had the instant impulse to just wrap my legs around him and let him make hot love to me in the nearest alleyway. One of his hands looped behind my head, ensuring that I couldn't pull away from his lips.

I didn't want to.

There was a flash and Riku stumbled backwards, blinking in the bright sunlight. "Mother of darkness," he gasped at the sudden release of the kiss.

I frowned. Why had he pushed himself away from me at that exact moment? It was like he had seen something coming.

A black-clad figure jumped out from behind one of the bushes near the doorway, laughing madly. "I finally caught you!"

I raised an eyebrow, confused. Riku groaned. "Yuffie," he said, pain laced into his voice. "Why the hell did you follow me here? Go _home_."

"I followed you here for a good reason, rival!" she shouted, pointing a finger at him. The camera she had strapped to her wrist dangled wildly.

Realization hit like a rock—the flash. She was paparazzi, and Riku had known it. He had been trying to spare me any unnecessary press coverage while saving his own ass. It was almost gallant of him, in some twisted way.

"You caught nothing," Riku growled. "And you have no right to be anywhere _near_ me! Shouldn't you be recording your new CD, or something?" He grabbed me by the waist. "Come on, Sora. We're leaving. We'll go somewhere she can't follow us."

"Who is she?" I asked. Did paparazzi put out CDs? I didn't think so.

"Her name is Yuffie," he said. "She's a popstar like me, and somehow she's got it into her head that we're rivals, although I don't believe it. I make double the sales she does in a year in a _month_."

Yuffie cackled somewhere near my right shoulder. I turned sharply and there she was, camera in hand. "Smile." There was a bright white flash and I blinked, unaware anything had even happened.

"Give me that!" Riku yelled, chasing her across the parking lot and around the corner of Burger Dungeon. I quickly followed, only to find Riku standing in the dumpster compound looking forlorn.

"She got away," he said, kicking up some gravel near his shoe. "Dammit! Why does she have to do this to me? And to you—you never did anything wrong!" He lips curled into a snarl. "If I had a pistol and a license to kill…" I heard him mutter.

"So what do we do?" I asked timidly.

"We wait," he said sadly. "It's all we _can_ do."

xxx

Riku and I were watching _Entertainment News Nightly_ when Roxas came home. He took one look at both of us and stormed up to his room, muttering something about not wanting to have sex with Axel, much less bare his children. I decided it was best not to ask.

My stomach fluttered all during the first few minutes of the _Entertainment News_ program. So far they hadn't said anything about Riku, be he kept telling me to wait—apparently they saved the juicy news for the middle of the show.

"Sora!" Roxas yelled from upstairs.

"What?" I yelled back, wondering why he was calling for me at all.

He rushed to the living room, eyes glittering with excitement and fear. "You'd better call up your crew," he said to Riku. "There's something you have to see."

xxx

Half an hour later, once we had managed to track down Axel, Zexion, Demyx, Seifer and Hayner, we gathered in Roxas' room, where he had his computer set up.

Axel sat on the bed, bouncing up and down. "Roxas, I never thought I'd get to see your room so _soon_…" he grinned.

Roxas glared. It was obvious he didn't want Axel here. "Shut up or get out," he hissed. He turned back to the computer. "I found this on the _Starlet_ magazine site," he said. "I was searching for stuff on Riku and, well…you get the picture."

Demyx frowned. "Who are you again?"

"Roxas, Sora's twin brother," he said, holding out a hand.

Demyx shook it warily, and Axel gave a small moan of longing that Roxas ignored.

Riku just smiled. "You're part of the team now, Roxas." He grabbed me around the waist and held me tight, bracing himself for the worst. "What'd you find?"

Roxas brought up the webpage, and there was a flurry of muttering. The article had my school photo, along with the headline:

_"Who is This New Kid, Anyway?" _

_"Sora", as he is called, age 16, appears to be the newest in a line of friends for super popstar Riku. But this so-called "friend", as it seems, has also been seen Holding hands and—it is rumored—sharing a chaste kiss with the popstar. What does Riku have to say on the subject? Nothing, so far. His blog has yet to mention this new development, but agent Leon Hart had this to say: "Riku is not in a relationship at this time. He and Sora are just very close friends. They would like nothing more than to be left alone." Is this really such an adequate answer? This reporter doesn't know. But a source close to Riku also said,  
"He's happy; he and Sora have been close before, and now they're finally friends again. It's good to see them back together so quickly." _

The article continued to blabber on with that, not really saying much else. But still…this was only hours after we had shared that brief kiss on the sidewalk, followed by the make-out session in the parking lot. Did these things happen _that_ quickly?

"It's been THREE HOURS," Riku yelled, pounding his fist into the wall. It left a noticeable dent. "THREE FUCKING HOURS! How do they come up with this shit so fast? I've never even seen a story written so quickly before. It's like they were—were planning this, or something."

I groaned. "It could be worse. But who saw us? Yuffie?"

Riku shook his head. "Nah, too classy for her. It could be just about anyone in the area."

"You ran into Yuffie?" Seifer asked. "I got a restraining order on her months ago."

"Yeah, well, she's back. Anything you can do about that, Seifer?"

"Only if you know where she sleeps," he grumbled.

"So?" Roxas said. "What do we do about Sora? This site gets about a million hits a day, if not more. Everyone in the country is going to be looking for him. And god knows what sort of stories the press is going to come up with."

"You sound like you've done this before," Seifer said. Roxas glared at him, and he quickly changed subjects. "But who is this 'source close to Riku'?" I noticed his glance lingered on Axel.

Riku stopped him. "I trust everyone in this room, Seifer, no matter how briefly I've known them. You know they make half these anonymous sources up, anyway. That quote from Leon is months old."

"Point is, we need to get the press off your backs." Roxas said, typing hurriedly. "And fast. I'm assuming the faster they have something else big to cover, the better. Sora and I don't need them stalking out our house or something creepy like that. Any ideas?"

He typed "Riku and Sora" into another search engine, clicking on several of the links while we mused for ideas. Axel was busy reading the article, which Roxas had printed out for reference purposes.

Riku's phone rang. He picked it up and headed into the hall. "Yeah," I heard him say. "Yeah, I saw it, Leon. I know how bad this looks. What? They're running…oh, shit. _No fucking way in hell._ No, we have to get rid of that. Oh, for god sakes!" He snapped his phone shut and stormed back into the room, looking royally pissed off. "They're running a front-page story on this in next week's edition, and they want me and Sora to interview with them."

The whole room went into silent shock until Roxas finally spoke up, his eyes never leaving the computer screen. "I think you should go for it."


	12. Bitter Revenge

**Author's Note: **I love writing Roxas. He's so cute! And Axel knows much more than he's letting on…

Revenge is a dish best served...cruel.

**Warnings:** Lemony goodness, a totally evil revenge plan, swearing, etc.

* * *

**Twelve. Bitter Revenge**

**Roxas**

The day at the magazine was not going to be an easy one. It was set for two weeks from now, which meant that the actual article would run next month. Leon had promised them good details if they waited that long, so the journalists sat like sharks waiting for their next scrap of meat and the paparazzi lurked outside our house everyday waiting for Sora to slip up.

But he didn't. Sora and I had managed to figure out which paparazzi lurked where by the end of the week, so we took extra precautions to avoid them. So far the only actual picture they had got was one of Sora and Riku buying a box of cereal—hardly a story-breaker.

I continued to work at Game Central by day, and Axel continued to visit me, despite my protests. And, sadly, the jerk was growing on me. I was starting to actually flirt back instead of yelling strings of profanities at his constant hints that we should go out.

But, of course, I couldn't go out with him. Not that he knew that—he thought I was still joking every time I said I had a girlfriend. And whenever I assured him that no, I wasn't kidding, he'd just smile down at me and say, "Don't be silly, Roxas. You're so obviously hot for me it's cute."

I couldn't argue. I _did_ think he was hot. And I liked it when he called my Roxy, though I'd never dare admit it. It felt so secret, so special to have a nickname only the two of us shared. When Olette called me Roxy, she was usually pouting or wanted me to do something for her. When Axel called me Roxy, it was all for teasing. No strings attached.

When was the last time I had something like that?

I was typing up a list of things for Sora to say in the interview when Pence finally scuttled in through the back room, exactly five minutes late for our morning shift. He nodded towards Axel, who was making coffee on the small hotplate next to the boxes of new games the delivery man had dropped off last night. Although how Axel had the hotplate going when there was no electricity in the back room was beyond me—every time I asked, he'd just smile and say, "My little secret."

"Sorry I'm late," Pence muttered, plopping onto the stool next to me. There was no one in the store this early, so five minutes didn't make a difference.

I shrugged and continued to type, bringing up several more _Starlet_ interviews to read. If there was one thing I had actually proved myself good at, it was research. I could get exact results for almost anything if I tried hard enough. That was why I was the techie in the family and Sora was the book nerd—the only thing he really knew how to use on the web was search engines for school projects.

Really, you think he could learn to be more useful.

Axel set down a steaming cup of coffee in front of me, loaded with sugar and cream. If I could still taste coffee by the time he was done with it, I couldn't drink it—too bitter. Sora usually asked me why I bothered to drink coffee at all that way. He suggested I try switching to tea. I told him tea was for pussies.

"Axel?" I said, taking a sip of the not-coffee coffee, "I can't find any reviews before last year, even though I know Riku started his career earlier than that. Any ideas why?"

"What are you searching under?"

"Riku. I mean, what else should I search for?"

Axel bit his lip. "Why are you even bothering to search? Trust me, if they have any articles older than last year, you don't want to read them. You want to keep up with the current times."

"But he made his début three years ago!" I argued. "Was he just not popular enough to make the charts, or is there something else?"

"No. His first CD came out last year, Roxas. I honestly don't know where you're getting this from. Riku—that is to say, _popstar_ Riku—didn't exist until last year."

"But look," I said, typing in some more search words until I found what I was looking for. It was a picture of Riku, attending some sort of charity event. There was no caption, but the date underneath the picture was a little less than three years old. "See?" I turned the laptop towards Axel, who sipped on his coffee. His eyes popped, and he nearly choked as he spat some black liquid back onto the counter.

Axel slammed the lid of the laptop shut. "That's not a picture of Riku," he said quickly. "You must have him mixed up with someone else."

"That's not possible, Axel! That picture looks _exactly_ like him, except his hair is more white and less silver. _He has the same eyes!_ For god sakes, what am I missing here?"

"You're not missing anything, Roxas," he said calmly. His voice was far too level, and he had a forbidding look in his eyes that actually scared me.

"So in other words, there's something you're hiding from me, and it's going to stay hidden, so I should just drop it?"

"Exactly." He rumpled my hair, pleased. "You just stick to the facts, like a good boy."

"But Axel," I pouted, sticking out my lower lip, "I hate not knowing things! It'll drive me _crazy_!"

He avoided making eye contact, most likely to make sure he didn't fall for the pout. "Don't do that, Roxas. Just—don't. I don't need any more guilt on my conscience than I already have, okay?"

"Whatever." My cell phone vibrated in my pocket, and I flipped it open without even looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Oh, good, you picked up!"

"Olette?" I asked. Axel was leaning close to my ear, trying to pick up the conversation. I shooed him away.

"Yeah, it's me. Listen Roxas, we need to talk."

Talk? I gulped. From little on, I had learned to fear that phrase. 'We need to talk' almost always meant 'You've done something wrong'.

"Talk…about what?"

Olette sighed into the phone, and her breath roared in my ear. "Roxas," she began. I could tell she wasn't going to play with formalities. She was going to get right to the point. "I think we…we need a break. I don't want to leave you, and I really like you…you know that! But it's not you, it's me. I'm just super-overwhelmed right now, and it's hard to keep up. So…do you think you can give me some space?"

It was exactly five minutes and twenty-six seconds before I realized I'd hung up on her without saying a word.

"Roxy?" Axel asked, a bit wary.

I didn't say anything—I just kept staring at my phone without seeing it.

No, why was she doing this now? Now, of all times, when school would start again soon and Axel would leave and I wouldn't have to worry anymore because I'd survived his temptation. She'd left me, and I was free. I could date Axel. There wasn't that safety zone anymore. It wouldn't be cheating, because I no longer had someone to cheat on.

_Why? Why Olette, why? WHY GIVE ME THE CHOICE?_

I didn't want the choice because I knew I was going to have to make it. If I asked Axel to take me, to do anything to me, I knew he would.

Because Axel was hopelessly enthralled with me. No in love. Enthralled. And that in itself was a threat.

"Roxas?" Axel grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. "Roxas! Roxas! Rox—"

I put a hand on his wrist. "Don't, Axel. I'm fine."

Pence, who'd been sitting close to me the entire time, listening but not speaking, put a hand on my shoulder. "What happened?"

I turned and looked him straight in the eye so he'd know I wasn't lying. "I got dumped."

"What? What did she say, Roxas?"

"She said that 'it's not you, it's me', and that we need a break. I guess she's overwhelmed and I'm just adding to the pressure."

"Overwhelmed?" Pence laughed. "That's a good one. She should just say it straight up—you're too much _man_ for her to handle, Roxas." He nudged my elbow with his. "Guess you just have to find someone who can handle you." I couldn't help but notice as his eyes wandered towards Axel.

"No," I said so only Pence could hear me. "I can't go with him."

"Why not? He's always here, Roxas. He likes you—he makes you coffee every morning, for god sakes! You're telling me you don't want that?"

"Pence," I groaned. "That's the problem. I want it too much—what are people going to think when they see me with another person—a _guy_, no less—the day Olette breaks up with me? They're going to think I was cheating her all along, that's what."

Pence shrugged. "Let them believe what they want. You should do what you want, Roxas." He hopped off his stool and trotted into the back room to sort the new shipment.

I sat still on the stool. Axel hovered behind me. "What happened?"

"You mean you weren't listening?"

"No. I found more of your porn magazines under the counter."

I sighed. I should have cared, but I didn't. "I got dumped."

"By who?"

"That girlfriend you refuse to believe exists. But it doesn't matter, because she's not my girlfriend anymore. She even gave me the whole 'it's not you, it's me' speech." I laid my head down on the counter. "Axel," I asked through a strangled sob. "I know this is going to sound weird and slutty and everything but…would you…make me feel better?"

He arched an eyebrow. "Roxas, I like you. You know that. But if this is something stupid and you're going to regret it later…"

"No. No, I'm not. Just…just come with me, okay?"

xxx

Twenty minutes later, after Pence had assured me he could run Game Central single-handedly while I took my lunch break, Axel and I were eating tacos by the window of Taco Prison.

"Is this what you meant?" Axel asked.

I blushed. "Not really. Actually, I kind of wanted to take you up on that offer of yours…" I leaned in closer. "You know. The sex one."

Axel choked on his Taco Supreme. "And how many seconds have you thought this over for?"

"Try three months."

"You and I haven't even known each other that long!"

"No. I…caught sight of you at one of Riku's concerts. I've had a huge crush on you ever since, but then Olette came and I was caught up in that and…I just couldn't tell you. You were different that I expected to be. So much more…open."

Axel didn't seem surprised by the information at all. "What did you think I was going to be like?"

"I don't know. Probably…colder. I had the feeling that you were too cool for me."

Axel laughed and rose from his seat. "Roxas, come with me. I want to show you something."

I followed him into the men's bathroom, where he locked us into the handicap stall. "Roxas," he began, holding his hands palm-up in front of him, "I want you to know that I'm a freak of nature."

"What?"

"Watch."

His hands began to glow softly, and flames sprung from his flesh. They sizzled and he clenched his hands, putting them out. "You see?" he asked. "I'm a freak. There's no way I could be too cool for you, because I'm too hot. My body temperature is always six degrees above normal. Even in the summer, I can't sleep without twenty some blankets." He laughed again, and I couldn't help but smile. "I'm not cool, Roxas. I'm red-hot."

"How does it happen?"

"You're not afraid?"

"No. I don't really care one way or the other. I like what I like, hate what I hate, and nobody can change that. And I think I like you."

Axel put his arms on either side of my head and pinned me to the bathroom wall. "And what about my offer, then? Do you really want to do this?"

"No time like the present."

Axel moved closer, and his breath tickled my lips. He stopped to make sure I wouldn't pull away, and then he put a hand behind my head and pushed me into a kiss so fierce I was sure it would put me in a coma.

His hand dove for my polo, and he reached under. I found myself stranded against the wall, and I could do nothing except close my eyes and whimper softly as his hand toyed around with my bare skin. He was so unbearably hot that our breath rose from our lips and turned into steam.

Someone entered the stall next to us and we froze. Axel's hand twitched, and I could feel my pants growing steadily tighter. The faucet ran and the door slammed, and we resumed our activities.

Axel unbuttoned my pants and was just about to undo his own when I stopped him, laying my hand over his. "I'm scared."

Axel re-zipped his pants. "Then you shouldn't do this. Trust me, if you're scared it won't be fun for either of us. Although," he paused, biting his lip, "you do have a hard-on already. What will you do about that?"

"It'll go away if I ignore it," I lied.

"Will it, now?" Axel leaned closer. "I could make it go away," he whispered.

"How?"

"With magic."

He knelt down and slid my pants to my knees. I moved to back up, only to find the wall behind me. I looked around frantically, as though trying to find a way out. My legs were shaking. Axel gave my shaft a long, slow lick, steadying it with his hand. I whimpered, and he looked up.

"Do you want to lie down? You're shaking."

"Y-Yes."

Axel stripped off his shirt and laid it down on the bathroom floor. "There. Now lie down."

I did as I was told, and he took me in his hands and licked me again. His tongue circled my head and licked me from underneath. I couldn't silence the moan that bubbled up through my lips. He was being rough, and his lip ring kept rubbing against my sensitive skin. It felt incredible. When he finally wrapped his lips around me, I couldn't keep quiet. My hips bucked, and I began to moan so loudly I was sure someone would hear us.

Just as I was about to peak, my cell phone rang. Axel grabbed it from my pocket, took one look at the caller ID and flipped it open.

"Hello? No, this isn't Roxas. I'm afraid he's busy, so who's this? Uh-hunh. And your reason for calling? I see. Here, just a minute." Axel pressed some buttons so the phone was put on speaker.

"Can you hear me?" he asked as he set the phone on the tiled floor.

"Roxas?" a loud feminine voice asked, echoing in the cold room. I didn't recognize it, and I couldn't read who it was. It was probably Namine. She called me a lot, mostly because she always got on the wrong train.

Axel grinned and knelt over me.

"Roxas?"

"He's right here, sugar. Listen." Axel took me in his mouth and clamped his lips tightly, sucking the tip of my dick. I tried to conceal my moan, but found I couldn't. Axel grinned wickedly again and twirled his lip ring around with his tongue. "Hear that?"

"What the _hell_! Who is this? Roxas, are you there? Listen, you hung up on me so suddenly I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Olette.

My heart skipped a beat. I glanced over at Axel, and I understood. She had hurt me, and now he was up for a good dose of revenge. I had a feeling nothing I could say would stop him.

And I didn't want to.

Axel licked me again, and I bucked even harder. "A-Axel, I think I'm gonna—_god, just hang up already!_ Axel, I'm—" He put his lips around me and sucked so hard that I exploded into his mouth with a cry.

Axel stood up and calmly pressed the 'Speaker Off' button on the phone. He held it to his ear and spit a mouthful of cum into the toilet and lit a cigarette with his bare hands. "Are you still there? Yeah. Oh, so now you want to know what that was. Couldn't you figure it out for yourself? That was me sucking your _ex_-boyfriend off." He laughed as she said something else. "No, I'm not a sicko. Roxas is right here, I swear. Talk to him if you don't believe me."

Axel thrust the phone at me, and I took it with shaking hands. "O-Olette?"

"Roxas!" she yelled. "What the hell is this? We're broken up for an hour and suddenly you have your dick in someone else's mouth? And a _guy_, no less! I didn't think you were like this! What the fuck is wrong with you, you sick bastard? I mean, it's one thing to move on, but to make me listen? God, if I don't call the police right now—"

"You can't call the police." Of all the things I could have retaliated to, that was the one sentence that seemed to hit home. "You called me, not the other way around. If I had prank called you, it would be a different story. But you rang me, and you were free to hang up at any time. But instead, you chose to listen. _Curious_, Olette? _Who the hell is the sicko here?_" I yelled into the tiny phone.

"Fine," she breathed. "Fine, do what you want. But who's this guy, Roxas? _Axel_, did you say? I don't know who the hell he is, but I swear if I run into him, he's not going to be doing anything to you for a while. Not much you can do with a full-body cast on, is there? _Goodbye_, Roxas. Have a nice sex life."

There was buzzing sound on the end of the phone again, and she'd hung up. She'd gotten the last word, but I felt like I'd won. I'd never been so cruel in my life.

And damn, did it feel _good_!

Axel was wiping his lips with toilet paper. I pulled my pants back up and handed him his shirt, which I prayed was clean. He was smiling. "That has to be the best revenge I've ever dished out."

"Why?"

"Because it was revenge for someone I care about, not for myself. I just wish she'd been here in person so I could've seen the look on her face." He sighed as we walked back to our table and threw the remainders of our meals away. "I'm sorry I never believed you—you know, about her."

"I'm glad you didn't," I said as we walked from the restaurant.

"So am I." He put his arm around me. "Where to next?"

"What do you mean?"

"We still have twenty minutes of your lunch break left," Axel said. "What do you say we enjoy them?"


	13. Let's Get Naked

**Author's Note: **Ahh, screw it. This chapter, however short, is now _finito_. And it's late. Really, really late.

I think I'm gonna start writing more of this, even though I should be focusing on my NaNoWriMo. The sweet smell of procrastination…

**Thirteen. Let's Get Naked**

**Riku**

The weeks passed faster than I expected them to. By the time the interview came around, I was not ready. I was less than ready—I was scared.

Sora and I laid on the couch in his living room, waiting for the sound of Leon's car. He insisted on taking us to the interview personally, most likely so we couldn't blow it off like I'd planned to. Let them make up their own lies, instead of using my words to recreate old ones.

Sora had his head on my stomach, and I felt him every time he moved. Roxas ran down the steps and stopped in front of us, closely followed by Axel. I wasn't sure why they were always together. Axel never said anything, and Sora didn't say anything about Roxas, so we just both kept our mouths shut and assumed what we wanted to.

"So," Roxas chirped, pretending Axel wasn't squeezing his ass. "I made up some standard question and answer sheets for you. I think that's probably best for you to answer with as few words as possible. That way they have nothing to go off of."

"I already know that," I said a bit arrogantly.

"I was talking to Sora," Roxas said, typing away on his computer. "He's our little blabbermouth, you know. Always getting himself bad reputations. I remember the first time he—"

Sora sat up and walked across the room so fast I didn't even have time to blink. "Tell him that story and I'll kill you, Roxas," he growled. "I don't care if Mom disowns me, because it'll be well worth it."

"Oh, now I want to know," I said, sitting up. "What happened?"

"It was a Friday at school," Roxas began.

Sora groaned and dove face-first onto the couch. "Kill me," he moaned, tugging on my arm. "Kill me before he says any more. Than I can die in peace, knowing your mind was free from my childhood trauma."

"Anyways," Roxas continued, grinning evilly, "we were in seventh grade, and it just so happened to be the day for the Inter-School Fitness Meet. It's like a track meet they host, except with more events. And Sora, being the idiot he is, signed up for polo. You know, that one sport on horses with the giant croquet mallets?"

"Your school has horses?" Axel asked, impressed.

"Nah, they're actually wooden horse heads on sticks," Roxas said, waving his hands. "But anyways, shut up and listen. So Sora was out there on the field, riding around. I was the next field over, playing soccer—an _actual_ sport. Sora never really has been the competitive one in the family…"

Sora's muffled yell came from between the pillows. "Swimming counts!"

Roxas ignored him and continued with the story, since Axel and I were both intently listening. "But it's about halfway through the second polo game when I notice Sora gets this sort of surprised look on his face. And I'm like 'Hey, is Sora okay?' So we rush over there, and Sora's heading over to the sidelines. And I look down, and there, in his gym shorts—"

Sora groaned and buried his face further into the couch. Roxas glanced at him half-heartedly before continuing.

"He has this huge boner. And I'm like 'Sora, what the hell?' and he's like 'It was that stupid horse stick—it kept rubbing between my legs.' So I went over and told the teacher Sora wasn't feeling so well, and I took him to the bathroom so he could get done with it."

I was shaking with laughter, and Sora slapped at me with his hands and kept missing, his head still stuck underneath the pillows. Axel had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.

"And it gets even better," Roxas said. "I said to him 'Okay Sora, go take care of it.' and he's like, 'How?" and I'm like, 'What do you mean you don't know how? Weren't you paying attention in Health?' and he says, 'No, I sleep in Health. You know that.' So I ended up having to stand outside the stall and give him frickin' instructions on how to jack off. And of course, the soccer team finished the game and wondered where I'd gotten off to, and they walked in during my little tutorial. Needless to say, Sora had quite a welcome committee when he cam out of the stall. His reputation was never the same again, and the soccer guys called him 'Jack' for the rest of the year."

Sora mumbled something to the pillows that sounded strangely like a string of curse words.

"Hey," I said, slapping his ass. "Get your head out of there, Jack. The dust in those pillows can't be good for you."

He resorted to pulling his head out of the pillows and burying it in my chest. "I hate that story," he mumbled. "I wish I could just forget that year. My life would be so much better then."

I wrapped my arms around him, and he buried his head even further. "Relax," I said, slipping my hand underneath his shirt and stroking his back. He shivered, and I knew he was calming down. "We all have things we wish we could forget."

"You probably don't. You're perfect."

"Am not."

"Are too. You look good even when you don't shower two days in a row. Trust me, I've seen it."

Axel eyed me, trying to decide if he should break the tension or not. "Tell him about the show in Traverse, Riku."

"Oh. That," I laughed. "Yeah, that was a disaster. I ended up getting a boner midway through the first act. It just came out of nowhere. One minute I was singing, and the next I was like, _what the hell is that?_ Though fortunately intermission came ten minutes later and I was able to get rid of it. I don't think too many people noticed, though there was a small blip in _Starlet_ about it, so everyone knew. At least your incident wasn't broadcast nation-wide by the press."

"Or blogged about by Yuffie," Axel mumbled, rolling his eyes. "What was the title of that entry? 'Keep It In Your Pants, Riku?'"

"Something like that."

"So she follows you around and waits for you to screw up so she can write about it?"

I paused. "Sounds about right, yeah. Though most of the stuff she gets her hands on is pretty much pointless. Small things. She's yet to actually do anything to hurt my career."

Sora blinked. "But…what about those pictures from the other day? You don't think…?"

I sighed. "I don't know. It's like I said before—all we can do is wait."

A car horn beeped from the driveway. "That'll be Leon."

Sora grinned up at me, his eyes pleading. "I've got a better idea. Let's elope."

"It's a magazine interview, not a wedding. What, you got butterflies, kid?" Axel drawled.

"I'm afraid I'll say something and screw it up!"

Roxas shrugged. "Just don't say anything, then. Let Riku do the talking."

I got up off the couch and carried Sora to the door bridal-style before setting him down. Taking Roxas' advice would be easier said than done.

xxx

"So," Leon said as he smoothly turned another corner. "Before we do this thing, I'd like to know exactly what _is_ going on here."

"We're friends," I said.

"You're holding hands."

"Sora's nervous. If a little bit of touching scares you, Leon, go back to kindergarten."

"Hey." He held up a hand in defense and turned around as he slowed the car to a stop in front of a red light. "I'm not accusing you of anything…it's just…what will the _fans_ think?"

I smirked. "I don't know. What would your boss think if he found out about you and Cloud?"

Leon made a choking noise. "How do you know about that?"

A car honked from behind us. "The light is green, Leon. Drive."

"_How do you know?"_

"Seifer talks. Now drive or we'll never get there."

Xxx

After what seemed to be forever—but was really more or less fifteen minutes—Leon pulled into a spot parallel to the sidewalk in front of the _Starlet_ building.

We got out, and I gave Sora's hand an extra squeeze before I dropped it altogether and we resumed our "just friends" mode. I could almost smell his fear.

Leon led us through the revolving glass door and over to the elevators, where we shot up several floors. A woman met us upon our arrival at the seventh floor. "Good to see all of you. The interview room is right this way, if you please. Miss Harumi should be waiting for you."

I groaned. Sora tugged on my sleeve. "Hey. Something wrong?"

"I hate Harumi."

"But why—oh."

My reasoning became apparent upon our meeting her. She was a tall, slender and rather pretty woman, also awfully young. And she had a wide, come-hither grin like a shark. She was evidently looking for a scarp of meat to go off of.

"_Be nice_," Leon growled. "I'll be waiting for you in the lobby."

Sora leaned against me. "I hope this goes okay," he said. "Promise me you'll do all the talking?"

"Yeah," I said, watching as the elevator rose, with so many people trapped in it like ants, climbing ever-higher to certain death. "I hope so, too."


	14. What Is There to Say?

**Author's Note:** Bit different, this chapter. I hope you guys like it, since I haven't really been able to stop writing it. I listened to _I Will_ _Follow You into the Dark_ by Death Cab for Cutie while writing this. Great song. Good background music for reading this, too.

Anyway, remember that lemon I promised? It's here, so pucker up. I tried to mix it up a little, too, since the same old scenes tend to get boring.

**Warnings:** Swearing, Lemon-y goodness, Angstangstangst…etc.

* * *

**Fourteen. What Is There to Say?****Sora**

I couldn't tell if the interview went well or not. That woman, whatever the hell her name was…she was damn scary. She didn't stop looking at me, or asking me questions with that awful smile.

I was glad when it was finally over.

xxx

The day after our interview marked the thing I had been dreading. It was exactly one week to the start of school.

Roxas, Axel, Riku and I had decided to settle in a watch horror movies as a sort of end-of-summer bang. Axel had invited some others, too, but I didn't know who. He just said that they'd be there, so we'd need more food. Hence the reason Riku and I took the car to MalMart, for purchase of frozen pizzas and chips and all other earthly goodies.

Riku grabbed a cart and ran down one of the aisles, riding on the edge until it nearly tipped over on top of him.

"Jeez. You act like you've never been to a MalMart before."

"Not really," he said. "At least, not with yoooou." He swept the cart over to me, swinging it dangerously as it teetered on one wheel. "Get in the cart."

"What? No! Riku, I'm too big!"

"Get in the cart," he said again, picking me up and throwing me over the side so I tumbled onto the metal mesh. "I'm going to take you shopping, and you're going to like it."

I knelt and put my hands over his on the handle. Overhead, someone something-or-other was being paged by her party at the front desk. The TVs announced low prices on back-to-school gear. But I didn't hear any of it, because Riku pushed the cart into the nearest wall so it wouldn't slide and took my face in his hands.

His hot breath steamed against my face, welcome relief from the industrial air-conditioning. In one smooth motion he jumped the side of the cart and pinned me into the cramped bottom with a kiss. I squirmed against his body.

"Riku," I breathed. "Riku…" My hands struggled to push him off of me. We couldn't do this. We were in a large, public store…he wasn't wearing any wig or sunglasses or make-up, and we were so exposed. We couldn't do this here.

He pulled back. "What?"

"You have to stop. What if someone sees?"

"So?"

"So?" I half-yelled as he jumped out of the cart and began to push it down the nearest aisle. I sat up so quickly I got a head rush. "So? Riku, you have a career, a life a…everything! You have so much! _Why even risk it?_"

"You know why," he said softly as he lifted a 12-pack of Coke off the shelf. "It's my last night."

"What?" I slithered down back into the cart. I gripped the mesh below me so tightly it dug into my fingers. My brain slowly reminded me I had to breathe. "You…you never said—"

He laughed. "Sora, did you think I was going to stay here forever? My vacation is over now. We leave tomorrow morning."

"That's really…soon."

"Yeah, well…" he examined a bag of cheese balls like they were of importance to him than my face. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be like this…counting down until the end, like it's the last day of your life. It shouldn't be like that."

"It feels like it." I said, trying to blink away the tears that stung at my eyes. Why was I crying? Damn it all!

"It's okay," he whispered, steering the cart back towards the fron of the store. "We still have tonight. Now let's get home before these pizzas defrost."

**Roxas**

I hadn't mentioned Axel to Mom. He was leaving tomorrow, and I hadn't said a word. Zip, nada. Nothing. After all, it wasn't like we were anything more than friends.

Okay, make that fuck buddies.

But it wasn't a relationship. And we'd actually yet to do anything much in the fucking department except for the incident in the Taco Prison bathroom, but I wrote that off as a fluke.

But it wasn't because of the fucking (or lack of, as previously stated) that I was afraid to tell Mom about Axel. It wasn't like I'd ever thought that I was gay or told Mom, but I didn't really think she'd care. Mom had a few gay friends, even including this one slightly-famous hairdresser named Marluxia who she saw every fourth Saturday of the month for a color touch-up.

And no, she hadn't outright said Marluxia was gay, but I thought it was pretty evident. I mean, what man honestly aspires to be a _hairdresser_?

The point is that none of these points (or singular point, because they seem to all go back to the one subject of me being bi) were the reason I hid Axel from Mom. It also wasn't because he smoked, drank, swore like a rap star gone Platinum or flamboyantly slapped my ass at every chance he got.

I didn't tell Mom about Axel because he was too old for me.

I was sixteen, almost seventeen. Axel was twenty-one, a fact I'd only found out when two days ago he'd legally managed to buy wine for both of us without so much as a double-glance from the clerk. He'd showed me his driver's license, and there was it spelled out in plain black-and-white: he was _too old for me_.

I kept my mouth shut about it. He never really seemed to notice if it bothered me, but I could feel it pounding in my head every time he put his hands up my shirt.

_Raperaperape…_

Paranoia made my mouth go dry like cotton, and I couldn't swallow. Axel's tongue on my lips always made me think the same thing. His taste in my mouth made me gag. I didn't think I could every have sex with him.

If I'd known this sooner, I wouldn't have let the incident in the bathroom stall happen, either.

And that's why I couldn't let Mom know. First she'd freak out, then she'd start asking questions, and then she'd probably jump up and phone the cops. Axel would be labeled as a pedo. Goodbye Halloween and kissing Roxas and playgrounds.

So when Axel's hands began creeping down the waistband of my pants, I didn't know what to do. I wanted it, really wanted it…but…

_Raperaperape…_

I pushed him away and sat up on the arm of the couch. "Axel, I can't."

He licked his swollen lips. "Why not?"

The answer was on my lips, ready to be said. My lips, which tasted like Axel. Axel tasted good. Really good. Damn.

So what to do? Give in, like I wanted to, or keep my distance in the relationship that was going to end tomorrow, anyway?

"Screw it," I mumbled. Mom wasn't due home until nine, and it was only six-thirty. Riku and Sora on the other hand…who cared? It wasn't like anything they _hadn't _done.

"Oh, I'll screw you alright," Axel mumbled. I leapt on top of him and sent him off the couch and onto the floor.

He sat up and set me on his lap before attempting to carry me up to my room. He dropped me halfway up the stairs. Half-blinded by spots of light, I crawled the rest of the way up. Until he managed to pick me up again and carry me the last few steps before throwing me down on my bed.

Axel put some rock music on the stereo, but it wasn't enough to drown out that little voice in the back of my head.

_Rape… _

**Riku**

Sora and I emerged from the air-conditioned, overstuffed check-out lines of MalMart and breathed in the humid night air. It made me break into a sweat, but it was the good kind of sweat. Warm, delicious, sticky as the summer itself.

We made our way to the edge of the parking lot where Sora has insisted on parking and unloaded the groceries into the back car seat, since the large trunk of the station wagon was mostly filled with a pile of beach blankets. I grabbed the last bag from the cart and handed it to Sora, who pulled out a box of condoms and a bottle of warming lubricant, dumbfounded. "These aren't mine."

I grinned. "You suuuure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. They must've belonged to that couple in front of us. See?" he said, pulling out a bottle of suicide and something that looked strangely like a vibrator. He blinked. "I didn't know you could buy these here!" he said. "And to think this whole time Tidus was waiting until he turned eighteen to go to that erotica store…"

"Sora!" I said, snapping him out of his wild-eyed erotica store fantasies.

"What?"

I took the box of condoms from his hand and ripped it open. He yelped. "Riku, we have to take it back!"

"Why? It's not like it hasn't been paid for. I say that sometimes, life grants you little opportunities. We should use this one."

"I-I don't want to."

"Sora," I sighed, sitting on the bumper. "Why? Because I'm leaving tomorrow?"

"Oh," he said tearfully. "Yeah, I guess that. But also because… it _huuuurts_. I don't like it much."

I opened the door to the trunk and laid down on one of the beach blankets. I rolled over onto my stomach and spread my things apart. "Then take me."

"I don't know how."

I lifted my eyes and glared at him. "Fine, Sora. Be a whiner, why don't you?"

"I'm not whining!" he yelled. "I mean, can you at least stop being such an ass? You're leaving me, not the other way around. I'm the one who's getting hurt, here."

I ground my hips against the blanket. "So hurt me back."

Sora climbed in and slammed the door behind him. "Fine," he said, pressing himself into me. His lips met mind with a kind of rough force I had only ever felt once before.

"This isn't going to work if I'm mad at you, you know," he said. "It's making love. It supposed to be about love."

I flipped onto my back and slid my hands up his shirt, feeling the sticky sheen of sweat from the humidity. "Then make it that way."

He lifted my shirt up to my shoulders and kissed across my chest, then down my stomach. He hesitated, but then unzipped my pants and slid them down, off my legs and onto the floor.

One of his hands rolled me over, and the other spread my thighs apart. He slammed into me dry, and I winced. My eyes teared. It wasn't that I'd never taken bottom to someone before, but…this was_ Sora_. Sweet, innocent, selfless Sora. Now he was being so selfish, so blinded that he was hurting me. I felt something hot leak inside me. Was that blood? Was I bleeding? I swore he was tearing me apart.

He hit a nerve, and my body jolted. He pulled back and hit it again, so deeply that I could feel him in my lungs. I gripped the blanket beneath me so tightly that I could feel my nails digging into my palms through the cloth.

"Uh," the soft little cry came from my lips as he hit me. "Uhhn, So-Soraaaa."

His hand came down and clamped over mine. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me upwards, so he could thrust deeper inside me.

"Uhn," I said again. I tried to stop it, to stay silent, but I felt like I was going to explode. Sparks jumped all over my body, in my scalp, my lips, my abdomen.

"Uh, uh, uhnnn, _ohhhhh_," I moaned. I came softly, quietly. Sora came a little more loudly, moaning my name on his breath.

He collapsed on top of me, still buried up to the hilt inside my body. The silence last for a few seconds when we could say nothing, do nothing except try to catch our breath.

"Riku," he gasped. He pulled out of me, and I turned my head to see him leaking all over the blankets.

I turned around and bowed down, licking the little bit that still dribbled off his tip. He moaned, and murmured something unintelligible.

"What?" I asked.

"Riku," he said again, very clear, followed by another string of words I couldn't understand that escaped his mouth as he leaned his head back against the fogged window of the car.

"_What_?"

He laughed. "I-I said we'd better get home," he gasped quietly. "I think…the pizzas are melting…"

**Axel**

Roxas, Roxas, Roxas. I lay with his head on my chest, not knowing what to do. The TV was blaring and the stereo had been shut off. We'd almost gotten to fucking, but then he'd gone and froze on me, with no warning.

I mean, _he'd _jumped _me_, not the other way around.

"Roxas?" I asked. His eyes were glued to the TV, where some hotshot detective was exposing a plot to poison the city's water supply. I waved a hand in front of his face, then snapped my fingers. "Roxas?"

"ROXAS!" I yelled.

He blinked and looked at me, dumbfounded. "Can't you see I'm trying to watch the show?"

I sighed. Something was wrong, and the kid wasn't telling me. I sent my good 'ol left hand on a treasure hunt underneath the pile of summer quilts Roxas kept on his bed. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Roxas squirmed over and out of my reach. I tried again, slowly drifting my hand up inside his thigh, only to have him squirm a few more inches out of the way and fall off the bed, taking me and the pile of blankets with him.

"Ow," he groaned. "Axel, what'd you do that for?"

"You did it, idiot," I said, both very angry and very pleased to have Roxas on the floor beneath me at the moment. "If you hadn't squirmed out of the way of my hand…"

"I thought you want more room!"

"No, what_ I_ wanted was to give you many endless hours of pleasure, as I thought you wanted me to give you before you lured me up here under false pretenses."

"Up where? Axel, we're on the _floor_." His eyebrows knitted together, like it pained him to think. He arched his body up against mine, then settled back down. "Ugh. Something is digging into my back. Something hard."

I rolled my eyes. Either Roxas was really out of it, or he was pretending to be dumb to either seduce me or prevent us from going any further. Know Roxas, I decided there was a good chance he wasn't shooting with all his marbles. He was pretty in-your-face when it came to things he didn't want.

"Not me. I'm up here."

Roxas reached underneath him and brought a rather sadly smashed remote, with a missing battery cover and a long crack running down the middle of it. "Damn," he growled, pointing it at the TV to seeing if it still worked. Fortunately, it did.

"Roxas," I said for what had to be the fiftieth and final time.

"What?"

I pushed him back into the floor and kissed him, trying to gauge his reaction. He twisted his fingers in my hair and pulled me closer. I smiled against his lips and slowly pulled away, keeping my eyes fixed on him.

"I-I'm going to miss you," he said quickly. His face flushed a brilliant shade of red as he extracted himself from the cocoon of blankets. "Y'know, um…I'll miss talking to you, and stuff."

"So you're not going to miss the kissing-me-like-you-mean-it part?"

Roxas didn't say anything.

"Is there a reason you're being so weird tonight, Roxas? Because you seem a little out of it."

"Just…confused," he said, staring at the ceiling. His eyes narrowed, as though he could see the stars through the many layers of plastic and roof tile.

I picked up the piles of blankets and slid back onto the bed with them. I didn't know why he was so confused, or even what I could do. It was frustrating to watch him struggle in a world I couldn't reach. "I'll miss you, too," I whispered as I kissed his forehead.

"Stay with me until you have to leave?"

"'Course," I said, picking up the TV remote and kissing him again.

Though the truth was, as we already knew, that I didn't want to leave at all.

**Sora**

Riku and I didn't get home until late. Really late. My cell phone already bore three voicemails and six texts from Roxas telling me to get my ass home because Mom was not happy.

I ignored them.

The last text, which had been sent around four-thirty in the morning, was Roxas telling me to tell Riku that Axel said Leon had called and the flight was leaving in two hours, and did we know how hard it was for Roxas to hide Axel in the house without us to distract Mom?

Riku and I ignored it and didn't arrive at the airport until another hour later.

**Riku**

It took all my willpower to avoid kissing Sora good-bye in front of Leon. I bit my tongue and told myself there was nothing I could do, anyway.

**Roxas**

Axel and I shared coffee and cheap eggs in the airport food court. It was honestly the best moment of my life.

**Axel**

I made sure to kiss Roxas goodbye in the airport bookstore, behind a rack of porno magazines and next to the candy rack, where no one could see us. He still tasted like coffee, and it was one of those moments where I was sure any other coffee I tasted would taste like him for the rest of my life.

**Sora**

So we all came full circle, from one fling to another.

**Roxas**

And really, what more is there to say?

**Axel**

There's really no way to put this…except for…

**Riku **

"_Goodbye."_


	15. All to Ashes

**Author's Note: **No, the last chapter was NOT the end. You think I'd let it end like that? I love you guys too much! And thanks for all the favorite, reviews, alerts, etc. It makes checking my e-mail worthwhile!

And I've tried to avoid making this too angst-y. I hope it works. And sorry it's a little short.

**Oh, and that reminds me...there's a poll in my profile. If you could all just go over there and quickly answer it, it'd mean tons to me.**

**Warnings:** Angstangstangst…

* * *

**Fifteen. All to Ashes**

**Sora**

I slept straight through the next two days, except for one point where I got up at four a.m. and made myself a chocolate sundae.

I told myself I didn't miss him. This wasn't depression-sleep. This was Riku-and-I-had-stayed-up-too-late-that-one-night sleep. And the sleep was good. The pain of him leaving throbbed less when I slept.

The pain. I didn't know why it was there, since he promised to call and write. He actually called once during the day, when his flight had landed, but Roxas answered and told him I was asleep. Riku opted to not leave a message.

Either way, by the end of the second day I had slept so much that Roxas dragged me out of bed to go down to the beach with him and Tidus and Wakka, who we hadn't seen in ages. I had to think to remember what Tidus and Wakka looked like. I hadn't seen them in so many months. It felt like I was finally leaving the house after days of being stuck inside and forgetting what the world looked like without Riku next to me.

For a few seconds in the span of my life, Riku had _been_ the world.

Roxas grabbed two bags of chips off the pantry shelf and pocketed munny I wasn't supposed to see Mom slip him. She was glad he was getting me to go somewhere. She said I spent too much time inside this summer.

But Mom didn't know about Riku.

She'd seen him, of course. It was inevitable, given the amount of time we spent together. But Mom had thought I only spent the little time she'd seen with him. She'd never bothered to guess what it really was, or what was going on, or why I was suddenly friends with someone who hadn't even existed in my universe up until a few months ago. Mom had never questioned my odd hours I spent away from the house, or why I came in at such a late curfew half the nights I was out.

I didn't try to hide it like Roxas did.

She just thought it was something boys my age did—I was being "rebellious". It made me smile. I never thought my rebellion would involve a summer affair with a celebrity, and not a tattoo or a sudden stint with a pack of cigarettes, even though Riku smoked enough for both of us.

So as Roxas dragged me down to the beach, he gave me half the munny Mom had slipped him. "Don't tell her," he said. "She thinks I'm doing this to get you out of the house."

"But you _are_ doing this to get me out of the house."

He shrugged, and I could tell he clearly had some other motive at work. I didn't bother to question, and that little patter of hope fluttered in my heart.

What I wouldn't give to see Riku lying on the beach when we got there, or leaning against a lamppost, his face lit by the dim glow of a cigarette. What I got was Tidus and Wakka on the beach, unloading firewood from the back of Tidus' pick-up truck.

Roxas pulled a lighter from his pocket and set the kindling ablaze. He stared into the fire and twiddled the lighter between his fingers a long time before glancing down at his palms. Roxas licked his lips, and then Tidus' calls of "Hey, Roxas!" seemed to snap him out of it. I couldn't explain how or why, but I knew he was thinking of Axel.

Wakka nodded his head towards me. "Hey Sora. Summer went by pretty fast, ya?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "It did."

"What'd you even do all summer?" Tidus asked. "I didn't see you around much."

Roxas grinned and waggled his eyebrows as he took a seat next to me in the sand. "Sora lost his virginity."

"Roxas!" I yelped. My face was heating up, and I tried hard as I could to calm down so it would go away. Why had he told? Did he want me to tell them about Riku?

_He hasn't already told, has he…? What if they…_

"Oho," Tidus grinned. "Really? Was she hot, Sora?" He paused. "It wasn't that Kairi girl you always hang out with, was it?"

_My, god, is he joking? I can't tell…what to say—what should I—_

"N-no," I stuttered. "It was Riku, for god sakes!"

My breath slowed in my throat for a second, and then my heart sped up. Had I really just said that? Roxas was blinking at me slowly, like he couldn't figure out what I had just said. I began to panic.

"Riku," Tidus said slowly.

_Don't connect…don't connect…_

"That's the girl that works at Lucky's, isn't it?" Wakka asked.

_Don'tdon'tdon't…_

"Hm. Think so. You the tall blonde, with the braids?"

"That's the one, ya."

Tidus held out a hand. "High five," he said. "You really know how to score, Sora."

_Yes._

I could've corrected him in that moment, finally told someone the truth, but I chose to let the opportunity pass me by. My lips failed to form the words as I gently slapped my hand against his.

_No…it was a boy…no, you've got the wrong person…no, you're wrong…_wrong

I saw Roxas eyeing me warily from where he sat beside me. His expression wasn't angry, or disappointed. If anything, he looked…happy? I did a double-take, and sure enough…Roxas was _smiling_.

"You okay, Sora?" he asked.

"Fine," I whispered, watching the flames consume the wood. It made me smile and think of how I'd been consumed like that. Passion overcoming like fire, never stopping until all was ash.

"I'm going home," I said to Roxas.

"Going to sleep already?"

"No." I smiled and let the breeze from the sea wash over me, watching its feeble attempt to snuff out the fire. "I don't think I can sleep anymore."

The fire flickered, and a stronger gust of wind came along. It blew out, and the air was cold. I shivered and crossed my arms.

"Man," Tidus said. "Now I gotta light it again!"

The sea knew about me. I could feel it. Because we'd been snuffed out, just like that fire, by something much stronger than ourselves. We'd tried, and they'd only made us flicker until finally we had to die out. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

xxx

The next day brought an announcement of back-to-school shopping from Mom, and a phone call from someone I hadn't expected.

Kairi.

"Hey Sora," she said, sounding so far away on the other end of the line. "You wanna meet somewhere for lunch today? My treat."

"Why?"

"Because I haven't seen you almost all summer, silly," she said, laughing. "In fact, I'm not giving you a choice. I'll see you at Lucky's pizza in an hour, and you'd better be there!"

"Okay, Kairi." I smiled into the receiver and hung up. God knew I wasn't missing pizza for anything.

xxx

Kairi looked just like she did the last time I'd seen her, except her hair was a little longer, and I swore she'd grown a couple of inches.

"Sora!" She wrapped me inside a great big hug. I sighed and took in the sea-salt smell of her skin, mingled with the cool fragrance of the perfume she always wore. "My god, it's been forever! I mean, last time I saw Roxas was when we went to the movies the week after school got out. And it's been even longer since I've seen you…it feels like you've been worlds away!"

I laughed. "It's good to see you too, Kairi."

Her eyes were sharp, and she caught my forced smile. She carefully smiled back, with a wary edge to her façade.

"Hey," a bright voice said. "Can I take you to your table now?"

I looked up, only to be greeted by a nametag. _Rikku._ I was laughing as I realized just how off Tidus had been. This girl was nothing like my Riku. She was smiling, and she looked happy to do her work. I was sure nobody minded terribly much if she screwed up. Lucky girl.

Kairi grinned and propped her cheek on her hand. The waitress, a silver-haired girl whose nametag read _Paine_ brought us our sodas and left. Kairi sipped at her Diet Coke.

"So, where were you all summer?"

I grimaced. Kairi was…well, she was like my sister. And she was also the reason I'd ever met him in the first place. She was his biggest fan. She looked up to him, she fantasized about meeting him. And I…would I really ruin that all for her?

I hadn't actually told anyone yet. Roxas had found out on his own, only because he'd known before it had happened. Hadn't told Axel, or Mom, or anyone else. It was still my secret.

"It's a long story."

"Tell me."

I idly sipped at my soda. "Y'know…just stuff. Working, I guess."

"Oh." She said rather loudly. Then, softer. "Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying."

"Yes you are, Sora." She placed her hand on top of mine, but I jerked away.

"Shut up. I am not."

"Sora, I swear, if you don't tell what's going on with you now, right now, I'll go ask your mother. Or even better yet, I'll get Namine to force it out of Roxas. Do you _really_ want me to find out that way?"

"No," I said to the table. I looked Kairi straight in the eye, searching for my next move. And that was when I figured it out. "Someone already told you."

She blushed. "Not exactly."

"Who was it? Roxas?"

"No. Sora, I was at MalMart the other night. And…I _saw_ you."

I didn't say anything, but for a small second I relived that moment in the back of the car. And then afterwards…

_Riku straddled my waist and kissed me. Cheeks-nose-lips-tongue. Then further down, neck to collarbone to stomach to…_

_I moaned. He licked me again, and kissed the tip._

"_I love you. Really love you."_

"Sora? Sora, are you even listening to me?" Kairi was waving a hand in front of my face as I snapped back into the present day. "Sora, listen. I just want you to know…I'm okay with it."

I brought my head up. She was? This was okay with her? I hadn't ruined any of her fangirl-driven fantasies? Oh, thank god. Thank sweet, sweet—

"—being gay and all. And really, I hope I get to meet this mystery man of yours soon." She held one of her arms up, flexing her muscle. "Gotta put him through the ol' Kairi test, y'know? He's got to be good enough for my Sora!" she giggled.

My body was shaking, and my heart raced. So she hadn't seen who he was, who he really was? She hadn't recognized him?

Kairi said something I didn't hear. I knew I couldn't keep this from her. Kairi would find out soon enough. Best friends told each other things like this.

"It's Riku," I said quietly.

Kairi's face wrinkled up. "What, you're trying to push this off on the hostess?"

"No," I moaned, laying my head down on the cool plastic of the table. How was I going to explain this? "Y'know…Riku, your favorite popstar."

"Sora, what the hell does _Riku_ have to do with our pizza?"

"Huh?"

"I said, 'Why do you think our pizza is taking so long?' I don't even know what the heck you're talking about."

"My boyfriend," I said quickly. "Riku."

"Wait, wait. Backup," Kairi took another sip of her soda and cleared her throat. "You're saying your boyfriend is Riku, as in popstar Riku, who was voted _Starlet's_ Sexiest Star of the Year last week?" She laughed in disbelief, and her eyebrows went up as she stared across the table, taking in my serious expression. "You're not kidding. Ohmigod!_ Riku_?"

"Yes."

"With the silver hair."

Kairi's lips puckered. She was smiling. I let out the breath I had been holding since we'd traveled into this realm of conversation. She was smiling, even though we were talking about _Riku_ in the context of _boyfriend_. It was going to be okay.

"Completely natural."

"And those amazing blue eyes."

"Staring him down isn't easy." I said, failing to remember actually winning a staring contest against him. Not that we'd actually had many staring contest, anyways. For some reason, our staring contests always ended up as Who Can Give the Best Hickey contests…

"And that amazing…that amazing—" Kairi gasped, searching for the words, too enthralled to locate them.

"Tongue?" I ventured.

Kairi's face fell, and I realized that had not been the best thing to say. Smiling or not, Kairi didn't need that much detail. She didn't need to be reminded of what she could never have.

"Oh, god," she said. "No, I was going to say voice, Sora. Nice going, but you just totally ruined _le fantasy_. Thanks for playing, don't pass go, don't collect two hundred dollars."

"I didn't want two hundred dollars, anyway," I said.

I held my breath, waiting for her to smile again. She didn't.

"So…you…fell in love with Riku over the summer?"

I nodded.

"Did he…come over to your house?"

I nodded again.

"And you never bothered to even call me or mention it to me, your best friend, knowing that I'm so totally his _biggest fan_?" she pouted.

I shrunk back from her and nodded, bracing myself for her wrath. "Yes."

"Do you have an explanation for this?"

"W-we had to keep it quiet!" I stammered. "I mean, Mom doesn't even know, Kairi! And she's my _mother_!"

"Does Roxas?"

"Only because Roxas always knew!" I said quickly. "I mean, I told him in the beginning, you know, in case for some reason I didn't make it back to the hotel room or something and he had to call the cops and they'd find my mangled corpse inside the closet just like in one of those crime shows…"

Kairi sipped at her Diet Coke again, even though there was nothing left in the glass. The waitress came and set the pizza down in the middle of our table. I reached for a slice, but Kairi caught my wrist.

"Oh no you don't, Sora. You're telling me all the details, first."

"Why?"

"Be_cause_, I have to get my gossip from somewhere. And you said something about a hotel," she added. "It wouldn't happen to be that hotel we went to for my birthday, would it, Sora? Because as I recall, you didn't show up for quite a chunk of time that night, and Roxas kept telling us not to worry. Ever ten minutes one of us would say, 'Hey Rox, where's Sora?' only to be given the classic avoidance answer of, 'He said he'd be back by now!'"

I didn't answer, because I knew she'd already figured it all out.

"So what'd you do that night?"

"Nothing," I said.

"You slept with him, didn't you?"

I choked on the pizza I was chewing and spit some of the cheese onto the table. "Well, guess you can't deny that," she said softly.

"I'm sorry."

Kairi stood up and placed a wad of cash down on the table. "Don't be."

As she left, I realized she hadn't even eaten any of the pizza. I grabbed what was left of it, threw it on a napkin and followed her to say I was sorry again. It was time to face the rest of my world, the one that hadn't existed this summer. And Kairi was my sea in that world, always there, changing but constant.

And I had a feeling the Sea would want the rest of her pepperoni and mushrooms. I had to tell her I was sorry again, and I had to tell her why. After all, what else is a best friend supposed to do?

The candle on the table flickered and died as I bolted from my seat, and I couldn't help but think about how my world was on fire. It was a fire so big that the Sea could put it out, if only she would toss me a wave.

_Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust._


	16. How to Save a Lie

**Author's Note:** I'm still not sure if this story has an actual plot. Man that sucks. And why is everyone suddenly gay? Oh, don't answer that…

* * *

**Sixteen. How to Save a Lie**

**Riku**

I blinked at myself under the vanity lights, and the doppelganger in my mirror blinked back. There were dark circles under my eyes, and my breath smelled sweet, like alcohol. My hands were stained with cigarette smoke.

The door knocked open against the wall, and Axel stood there, just as tired as I was. "Hey."

"Hey," I said weakly.

Axel nodded and took a beer from the mini fridge in the corner. He sunk down onto the couch. "This place smells like beer." He cracked his can and took and long draught before making a disgusted face and reach back into the fridge for an iced coffee instead. "Leon's not gonna like it."

"Doesn't matter. I don't give a shit what Leon thinks."

Axel laughed. "Man, here I though you'd changed. Guess not."

I arched my back and climbed onto the couch next to Axel. My head fit nicely on his shoulder. His clothes always smelled like stale cigarettes and something singed. It was a smell I was used to.

"Do you miss him?" Axel said quietly.

I though carefully. If I was laying my head on Sora's shoulder right now, and not Axel's, I'd be laughing. Sora would smell clean, like soap and deodorant and sea salt. His hair wouldn't be stiff with gel, but soft. His whole body would be soft.

Axel sat up straight and pushed me head off his shoulder. "You eyes can't lie, kid," he said softly.

"There's always room to lie."

Axel's thumb brushed something wet and stinging from the corner of my eye. A single tear, one that I hadn't even felt myself cry. "Not always."

I watched in silence as Axel inhaled his coffee. He smiled when he sipped it, like it tasted so much better than anything else in the world. I knew he was thinking of Roxas, somehow, and I wondered if he knew how lucky they were. I was so jealous of how easy everything was for them. What did they have to hide?

Leon's voice floated through the door. "Let me get him…" The door clicked open, and I sat up before Leon could see Axel and me too close for his taste. "Riku, would you come out here?" He was grinning, something that never happened.

There was a strict-looking woman standing outside the door in expensive business clothes. She said something to me and gave a tight-lipped smile to Leon when I nodded in agreement. She scribble-scribbled something in her checkbook and tore out a check for Leon.

Leon waved the check in front of my nose. One hundred thousand munny. "Congratulations!" he said.

"What'd I do?" I mumbled. I felt tired, slow. Had something happened? Everything was moving too fast at the moment, and I needed a cigarette.

"You're the new face of AprilMay Cosmetics for Men. Later this week they want you to come down and do a photo shoot for their newest ad campign. One hundred thousand munny, kid! Here," he said, digging into his coat pocket. "Have some free _Manscara_."

Thanks." The word sounded dull and ungrateful on my lips, which was exactly how I felt. Did he actually think I wanted anything to do with this…_Manscara_? I stared at the small blue tube in my hands and opted to give it to Axel. He'd probably use it.

What would Sora think when he saw the new campaign, and my face plastered all over their ads? If we were still together, still inseparable, we could probably laugh about it. Instead, I would have to go with the next best thing.

"Axel!"

xxx

_Sign. Nod. Next. Sign. Nod. Next._

Usual after-concert procedure took place at a table in the theatre lobby. The large glass windows and high ceiling made me feel smaller than I actually was, and the millions of city lights shining out the stars gave me the urge to go throw courtesy and caution to the wind and party. Lose myself somewhere. Here was the city, where I belonged.

Not on some small island.

I didn't belong on that island, even though he was there. I belonged in the city, with the trains and the lights and the sounds and the ever-present screaming darkness, with monsters and thieves. No quiet darkness, no stars.

That was how I felt as I stepped from the theatre into the waiting limo with Axel and the others. I felt like I belonged, even if Sora wasn't there, even if I missed him with all my heart.

The limo was wild, out-of-control. We gave the driver no destination, so he drove through the city and back until we'd tell him when to honk, where to stop and let Axel jump out and go for a booze run with Luxord, and when to keep driving forever. Axel and the others decided to play a kissing game, where you had to pass a piece of paper between your lips and the lips of the person next to you. Drop the paper, get a kiss.

Axel kept dropping it on purpose, until finally everyone in the limo except Hayner had kissed him at least twice. Hayner hadn't kissed anyone yet, and I could tell he was waiting until the circle rotated and a certain someone finally sat next to him. We played until our heads were dizzy and bodies numb. I couldn't feel anything, and I laughed uncontrollably, even though it only made my head hurt more. To my right, Demyx dropped the paper and placed his lips against Zexion's.

Axel tapped me on the shoulder and I turned, but it was too late. The piece of paper from the other side of the circle fell from his lips. He pressed himself against me, pinning me beneath him on the sticky leather seat. I felt his lips move against mine, like he was saying a sentence I couldn't decipher.

There were catcalls in the background, mostly from Luxord and Seifer. I caught Hayner's expression from the corner of my eye. So innocent and helpless, waiting to drop the paper so someone could kiss him, make him feel wanted. I knew what that was like.

The game stopped full-speed, since Axel hadn't stopped kissing me. Demyx hit him on the shoulder, trying to get him off me before he ran out of air and dropped the paper fragment. I could make out words on it. It looked like the name of a hotel, like someone had ripped up stationary just to give us an excuse to play.

Axel slipped a hand beneath my shirt. My body squirmed. Wrong, confusing, awkward. His hands were too hot. But familiar, very familiar. I couldn't deny myself that safe familiarity, even if it lacked commitment.

I had no Sora. I'd never had Sora. It hadn't been like this, this instant or comfortable. It'd been awkward, a relationship built on a one-night stand and general misadventures. Axel and I had _history_.

Axel had to rise for air, and I pushed him off of me so that he flew backwards into Demyx's lap. In one last, desperate attempt, Hayner dropped the piece of paper he'd been holding on to. "Whoops. Looks like I dropped it." His eyes met Seifer's for two seconds before Hayner jumped Seifer himself.

xxx

The door on the knock of my hotel suite came about six seconds before my alarm went off. There was pounding, alternating with the nasally beeping the alarm clock emitted before I smashed it. The clock died reading four a.m. and thirty seconds.

I shook Axel from beside me. "Axel. Hey, wake up. It's time to head out."

"Now? I don't _wanna_. Riku, lemme sleep. My head hurts. And God, what did I _do_ last night?" He buried his face in his pillow and pulled the comforter over his head so just the tips of his hair stuck out. I tugged on one of them, trying to get him to spring into action.

"Last night is actually about four hours ago," I said. "You should've said, 'What did I do this morning?'"

"What did I do?"

I bent down and whispered quietly in his ear. "You forgot with me. Now I'm gonna go take a shower, and when I'm back you'd better be dressed."

His body stirred. "And what if I'm not?" he said, now fully awake and sounding extremely devious.

"They'll be punishment," I said, laughing. "Believe me."

xxx

I hadn't been in the shower for more than ten minutes when the curtain slid open and Axel joined me. "Hey," whispered into my shoulder blade. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You had sex with me last night."

I sighed and grabbed a bottle of hotel shampoo from the side of the tub. "I know, Axel. I wasn't drunk last night; you were."

"I miss Roxas," he moaned, sliding his lips down my spine. "I miss the way he refused me."

"So you miss not having sex?"

"No," he said, kissing the base of my spine. "I miss having limits."

"Fine, then. Axel, don't touch me and get out of my shower."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around me from behind. His breath smelled like he'd just had another cigarette and more iced coffee. "That's not what I mean. It's like…I've known you for a long time, you know? We've done it all before. And Roxas…new territory. New person. A chance to reinvent and forget what ever happened in the past, you know? It's like Xigbar never—"

"Like he never what, Axel?" I asked sharply. He knew not to bring this up, not in front of me, not now. _Xigbar._ Sick bastard.

_Axel shooting up in some hotel room. Sephiroth on the bed. Yuffie downstairs in the lounge, having drinks with some shady guy._

"_Wanna try some Riku?"_

"_No thanks."_

_Needles. Needles. I don't like needles…_

"I don't like needles," I said to the shower wall. I knew Axel still had the scars of his arms, if I dare to look. I didn't.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just…I was just thinking. About last time. About us."

Axel grabbed the shampoo from my hand and poured what remained in the tiny bottle on his head. "Yeah? What about us?" He hummed something against the nape of my neck as he soaped up his head. I could only catch fragments of the words with the roar of the shower spray in my ears. "Me and u…here…edge of the worrrrld…all I see…"

My breath sped up, and my heart jumped into my throat. I felt so scared for a second, and then it passed. I leaned into the spray, wet locks of hair dripping over my face. "Don't sing that," I finally said. "I hate that song."

"You wrote it for me."

"I know. I know I did, Axel."

"You wish you hadn't. You want it to be written for him, right? You told me he liked that song. You don't want to think about that you might lov—"

My fist slammed against the shower wall, and I violently shut off the water, stepping out and slipping on the wet floor. I braced myself against the sink and grabbed a towel from the rack on the wall.

"I don't."

"You don't what?" Axel asked, even though he clearly knew what I meant.

"I don't love you," I said. "No. Not like _that_. _Never_ like_ that_."

He sat down on the edge of the tub. "So what do we do, then? Tour's over in two weeks, then we're off to record the rest of that CD. Holidays will be here soon, too."

"I don't know." I sat down on the floor across from him, leaning up against the wall. Water ran from my hair down into my eyes, and over my lips. Ugh. I felt so dirty, even though I'd just taken a shower to get clean.

"You know. You know exactly what we could do," he said.

"What?"

"We could go back," he said finally. "We can always go back."

"But back to what?" I said. "Back to us, or back to the island?"

"It's your choice," Axel said. "But we'd better get dressed. I think I hear Leon at the door, and he sounds pissed."


	17. Beautiful Things

**Author's Note: **Merry Xmas. I hope you don't kill me after seeing how this chapter ends.

**Warnings:** Slight lemon, general suspense.

* * *

**Seventeen. Beautiful Things**

**Sora**

"_I see you, _

_You beautiful thing._

_Brush up against me,_

_Share your pretty Spring._

_Winter lasts,_

_Far too long,_

_Give me a Summer kiss,_

_Make me strong."_

The words pounded out from Kairi's iJazz, loud even in our crowded Gym class. She jogged in place, high socks sliding down to around her ankles with each step. "Don't you wanna go running, Sora?" she asked. "I mean, it's so nice out! It's gonna be a real refresher after being indoors all day."

I sighed and sat down on one of the picnic tables near the concession stand. Our track surrounded the football field, with bleachers on both sides and picnic tables on either end of the field. I pretended to adjust my shoes, really seeking an excuse to stall running any further.

"I hate running," Roxas growled, stretching against the side of the concession building. "I mean, what's so exciting about it? It's a circle, for god sakes. What's going to help you more—rock climbing or running in a circle?"

"Running has its benefits," a cold voice said from somewhere behind us. All three of us froze, but Kairi for a different reason than me and Roxas.

"Mr. Sephiroth, sir," Roxas said shakily. "I was just um…yeah. Yeah, I really don't have anything to go on. How 'bout you, Sora?"

"Don't look at me!" I said. "I'm not the one who smooth-talks anything. I'm really, really bad at things like that."

Kairi, angling herself so she could get a good view of Mr. Sephiroth's butt in his shiny black tracksuit, was no help at all. I gulped, and so did Roxas. Mr. Sephiroth hated when you questioned any of his fitness units…_especially_ the running one.

"Maybe I should have you run some extra laps, just so you benefit a little more," Sephiroth said, his face closely dangerous to Roxas'. "You wouldn't slack off on me now, would you, Mr. Roxas?"

"N-no sir. Not at all sir."

"Good."

Roxas was just about to take off before Sephiroth could threaten him any more when I heard a voice behind me. "See? I told you his ass looked good in running shorts."

I turned, just as Sephiroth gave Roxas the command and he took off in a run at full speed. There was Axel, leaning against one of the picnic tables, wearing a ragged t-shirt and black pants with too many belt buckles. Sitting down on the top of the table next to him, wearing a visitor's badge—Axel must've thrown his away—and a clean white button-up shirt, was Riku.

"Mmm-hmm," Axel said. "Just look at that little Roxy milkshake we got going on, here."

"Riku," I said slowly, not believing he was actually there. It was like one of my fantasies where he showed up and rescued me from my mundane high school life, except so much more real and better than I had imagined it. "Riku?"

"Sora!" Sephiroth yelled. "Get your butt out there on the track right now, mister."

I started off towards the track, fully ready to obey the voice of a teacher I'd learned to fear, when I stopped. To hell with Sephiroth.

My hand outstretched, I leaned towards Riku. He gave me a high-five and clenched down on my fingers so I couldn't let go. Something pulled me into him and then he was hugging me, fingers roaming everywhere, like he had to make sure I was real. Solid, not an illusion.

Then, for some reason I couldn't fathom, I kissed him. I heard someone shout something, and there were a few gasps, and Sephiroth telling me I was risking detention with him for a month. I didn't care. None of it seemed to matter anymore. The point was that I was here, with Riku. We were together again, though I didn't know why.

He pulled away from me for air, eyes wide and disbelieving, then slowly closing to a sultry half-lidded stare. "Paparazzi aren't allowed on school property, you know. It's private."

"I don't give a shit."

Then all hell broke loose, and Sephiroth stopped yelling long enough to have Axel corner him and start talking rapidly about something I couldn't hear. And Sephiroth…was smiling? I didn't understand any of it.

The girls were crowded around Riku and Kairi was grinning, glad to listen to his explanation of the 'Yes, I'm gay' speech while being privy to my side of it, as well. There was a lot of pouting on that side, but nobody seemed to really mind. Tidus and Wakka and a few other guys took the opportunity of an occupied Sephiroth to cut class half an hour early.

I glanced around, feeling a bit lost until one of the girls dragged me into the conversation with Riku about how we met, forcing us to both spin a series of elaborate lies. There was something that was missing from the scene, and I couldn't place my finger on it. That's when I realized what was wrong: Roxas was still running. It was like he didn't know any of us at all.

xxx

When the bell had rang and class ended Riku agreed to wait with Axel outside of the locker room for me. Not Roxas. Roxas had been the first inside when the bell rang, and he'd blasted music from his headphones so loud while he was changing that I couldn't say two words to him without getting a nonexistent answer. It wasn't like he was oblivious to any of it. It was like he didn't care.

I grabbed my bag and headed out into the hallway, ready to get to my last class. Health. Roxas had it, too, and I knew Miss Aerith—also the school nurse—wouldn't allow any headphones or otherwise. Roxas could ignore me, maybe, be at least he wouldn't be able to drown me out.

Riku and Axel were waiting, both looking a bit out-of-place as the occasional stray student ran past, twisting back to get a double-take. It was only moments before the wave of gossip would hit, and then we'd be in real trouble.

"C'mon," I said to them. "I gotta get to Health."

"Ah, Health," Axel said. "Tell me, do they still teach all that 'no glove, no love' crap?"

"We're actually starting that unit today," I muttered.

Riku smiled. "So we have perfect timing, then."

"Guess so."

The walk to class seemed even longer with Riku and Axel, since I kept looking back to make sure they were still behind me. I felt like a mother goose waiting for her babies. And when we finally rounded the corner into the classroom, there was a bit of a silence, and then someone said, "See? I told you so!" Then there was chaos.

Axel politely slid over towards Miss Aerith and asked her where he and Riku could sit. She shrugged and said they were free to sit wherever there was room. Once the bell rang everyone scurried into order, and there were a few seats left. One two seats behind me, and another one diagonal from Roxas. Axel and Riku took their seats respectively.

I leaned over, and turned to Roxas, who was three seats behind me in the row to my right. His face was contorted in a grimace, and Axel, who was trying to get his attention, was failing miserably.

The class having calmed down a little, Aerith began to lecture us on the use of safe sex. Then she asked us if any of us had ever had sex before. Axel was the only one who bothered to raise his hand, his long limbs sticking out of the desk at odd angles.

"So," Aerith said. "Mister…um…Axel, is it?" He nodded. "Well. You've had sex before, it seems." She shot the rest of us a look, as if to say _I know you're lying_. "Why?"

"I was bored," Axel said slowly. "I was bored, and no one else was home and Roxas was horny, so—"

"NO!" Roxas' head spun around so fast it looked like one of those demonic possessions in horror movies. "Don't you go pulling that crap on me. We did _not_ have sex in my house."

"Oh, _riiiiight_," Axel said, shooting him a venomous glare. "It was a blow job in the Taco Prison bathroom stall. Sorry, I forgot."

A few cries came from the back of the room, and half the class was laughing at the same time the other half of the class was gasping in horror. Roxas' face turned bright red, and tears streamed down his cheeks.

"You're a real asshole, you know that?" he said quietly. I was surprised Axel could even hear him over the banter of the rest of the class, who were now debating proper blow job techniques.

"I'm not as bad as you. Remember when we first met? You didn't even think I was fit to have the time of day. And then—wham!—suddenly I was good enough to blow you in a bathroom stall, only to never have you answer your phone when I called you. But _I_ answered when _you_ picked up. How come I'm the only one who ever saw that? You're nothing but a child, Roxas. You weren't ready for this—for _us_."

I blinked and turned to Riku, who was listening intently by now. The rest of the class had forgotten he was even here, much to my amazement. "Did you know about this?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not a word…except…"

"Except what?"

"After we left—Axel. He called Roxas everyday for a week and left six voicemails. Roxas never picked up. I had a feeling something was wrong, but I couldn't place it. Now I know why."

"So what do we do?"

"I'm not a CHILD!" Roxas screamed, so loudly that the class was forced into silence. "_You_ forced this on _me_. For god sakes, has it ever occurred to you that you need to grow up and prepare for a little _commitment_? Think about that next time you've got your dick in someone else's ass."

Axel popped a piece of nicotine gum and stared at the ceiling as Roxas ran out of the room. "Harsh," he said finally. "But not undeserved."

xxx

"Roxas!" I yelled up the stairs. There was no answer, just the loud pulsing of stereo music. "Roxas, get down here! Party's in five!"

Still no answer. I cracked open the door of his bedroom, feeling the rush of cool summer breeze that came in through the open upstairs windows. My eyes bulged a little in their sockets. I hadn't seen Roxas since he'd ran out of school a good forty-five minutes early, and now it was nearly three hours later. I hadn't heard a sound out of him since then.

Here he was now, lying on his bed, white sheets thrown every which way and sheer curtains billowing over his naked body in the breeze. The sound that pulsated from his stereo was not rock, but something softer. His hand was ghosting over his upright shaft, and I could see his stomach was already thick with cum and sweat.

I swallowed anything I had been about to say and turned to leave. "Axel…" I heard him moan. "Axel, kiss me. Right there—oh, yes, _Axel_!" His breath quickened, and I heard him moan, the rustle of his arching body against the sheets pounding out to the rhythm of the song on the stereo.

My face flushed, and I couldn't see straight as I wandered back downstairs. The party, I decided, could go on without Roxas for now. He had far too many things to straighten out.

On my way out the door to the car, I heard the song Roxas' stereo was playing on repeat and I finally recognized it was the song Kairi had been playing in Gym.

"_Autumn lust,_

_You beautiful thing,_

_Kiss me again,_

_Show me your spring._

_Winter love,_

_Summer fling,_

_I'm still waiting,_

_For your beautiful Spring."_

xxx

The party was being hosted at an abandoned lot Tidus had discovered on the other side of town. What it was a party for—or rather, who it was for—I wasn't exactly sure, but both Axel and Riku were coming, and Axel had even mentioned he might bring the rest of their gang along for the fun of it.

By the time I was there Riku and Axel had already arrived, along with Demyx and his tag-along emo friend, Zexion. They'd brought two more kids, too, a roadie named Hayner and Riku's bodyguard, Seifer.

Kairi was there, too, along with Namine and Pence. "Hey, Sora," she called as I pulled up. "Good to see you." When I got out and she had confirmed there was no one else in the car, she also took up the courage to yell, "Hey, where's Roxas?"

"Home," I said. "He might come—I left him a note in the kitchen. Last I saw, he was a bit preoccupied with his"—I resisted the urge to glance towards Axel—"thoughts."

"Some Health class today, from what I heard." Namine said from where she stood, flanked by Tidus and Wakka on either side. "I guess he's got detention from Sephiroth for mouth in Gym, and then Vice-Principal Saix gave him another week of detention for skipping out of school half an hour early."

"I didn't hear about that," I said, picking up a soda from a nearby cooler, "but I can only assume the trouble he'll be in when Mom finds out."

"You mean she hasn't heard yet?" Kairi asked.

"No," I said. "She's gone to visit my Aunt over the weekend. She'll be back on Monday. Damn convenient for Roxas, though. He'll have time to get his act together."

"I'm concerned about what he said to me, though," Axel said, picking up a Coke for himself, "about putting my dick in someone else's ass. Does that mean he thinks I cheated on him?"

"You didn't," I said, a bit worried about all the answers Axel could give, "did you?"

"Well, not really."

"'Not really', isn't in Roxas' vocabulary," I said. "It's either black or white, one side or the other. You can't get any 'gray' area." I sighed and took a long draught of my soda, coughing when the bubble hit my nose. "But why would he think you'd cheated on him?" I asked.

"Better yet," Kairi asked, "what do you mean 'not really'?"

"Weeeeell," Axel said. "He wasn't picking up the phone. So I may have…sexually taken my frustrations out on someone else."

Kairi sighed. "Oh man," she said. "I think you screwed up."

"Did I?"

"Did you ever," I said. "With Roxas, he calls you on his time, not the other way around. Weren't you just saying all that stuff in class about how it was always what was best for _him_, and you were only good enough for him when _he_ wanted it? That's the way he is. Keeps to himself; doesn't like strangers. And he has to know everything. _All the time_. It drives him nuts when he can't figure something out—that's probably why he's so crazy now. Something's driven him to it."

"And you're saying I'm the _something_?" Axel asked, choking on his soda and spitting it back onto the grass.

"Probably," Kairi said. "But you can ask him yourself—here he comes now."

I watched as Roxas came into the lot, holding hands with someone I couldn't see right away. Axel rolled his eyes and walked over towards Demyx and Zexion, mumbling something about "to hell with sobriety". Roxas pulled his friend close and whispered in her ear. She pulled away and giggled loudly. I recognized that giggle, and I knew Kairi did, too. She and I both gaped. Neither of us liked this at all.

Something heavy fell on my shoulder from behind. "Hey," Riku said, his chin resting shoulder, lips right next to my ear. "Isn't that your brother?"

"Yeah."

"So why's he with that chick?"

"Hell if I know," I said pulling Riku around so he could kiss me full-force. He tasted like he'd had a drink or two. "But I think we're about to find out."

Roxas was heading across the grass, and he refused to meet my eyes as he came right up to me and spoke. "Hey Sora. Mind if I borrow Riku for a moment?"

I shrugged, and Riku's eyes locked on to mine. He looked like he didn't really care one way or another. "Sure," Riku said. "I guess, if you really want to talk that badly."

"What makes you think I want to talk?"

"You've got that shark look in your eye," he said. "Like a journalist who knows something they shouldn't and is going in for the kill."

Roxas smirked and dropped Olette's hand. "Then I guess you should be afraid," he said, leading Riku over to some bushes on the other side of the lot. He dragged him in between two of the larger bushes, so we couldn't see what they were talking about. There was the noise of a chain fence that rung out, along with some hissing and a few loud words from Roxas.

"I know. I know all about it," Roxas said. "You can't pull this crap on me."

Axel came back over by me and Kairi, an iced coffee in his hand. He was quiet as he sipped it, staring at a lively Olette—chatting away animatedly to Pence—with a childlike jealousy.

"Who's she?" he said quietly.

Kairi raised an eyebrow. "You mean you don't know? That's Roxas' ex-girlfriend…or at least she was. Her name's Olette. Whore," she added in an undertone. "I heard she dumped him over the phone, with like, no warning. Pence told me."

"Yeah," Axel said slowly. "I know. I was there."

We stood there, listening to the sounds of the rattling chain link fence and giggles from Olette in the background. Then, a cell phone went off.

"Ah!" Olette said. "That's mine!" There was some general squabbling, and Roxas finally came out of the bushes, a submissive Riku trailing in his wake.

"Hey," Riku said, coming over and grabbing me from behind. "Your asshole of a brother just gave me a lecture."

"He's not an asshole," I said, remaining calm while calculating the chances of that actually being true. "He's just having a rough time."

"Well, your brother who's having a 'rough time' just gave me the lecture of the century. He basically said that if I ever break your heart in any such way, he'll castrate me."

"Oh, it's not like that would put a damper on our activities," I said. "I mean, I'm an innocent little virgin, and all. Just look at my sweet virgin eyes."

"Ha ha. Cute Sora, but a little creepy. I don't think you can pull off the puppy look very well."

"What?" Roxas was on Olette's cell in the background now, talking to someone. "Uh-huh. Yeah, we'll come get you." He snapped the phone shut. "Hey Sor, Olette and I are gonna run over to Selphie's house and pick her up, 'cause she needs a ride. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Wait," I said, grabbing Roxas by the arm. "Wait a minute." I lowered my voice so only he and Riku—who was still laying his head on my shoulder—could hear. "What is with this? You and Olette? She _dumped_ you. You said you never wanted to see her again. And now all this…just to get back at Axel?"

"Hey, it's his fault," Roxas said, wrenching his arm from my grip. "Go take it up with him…and your little boyfriend, there. God only knows what they do when we're not looking."

Riku was on his feet now, and he whirled around and pinned Roxas to Tidus' truck, which was sitting in the middle of the lot, surround by the food and drinks. "And what do you mean by that?" he hissed. "Is this some sick game you're playing?"

"I know what you did," Roxas said. "You and Axel—and how you—you—" Roxas swallowed hard, and tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. "I know you slept with him. And you did it while you were dating Sora. And he just…he just _let_ you, like nothing was wrong!"

"Nothing _was_ wrong!" Riku roared, slamming Roxas tight against the truck door. "You never called Axel back, and I left Sora two emails and three messages with _you_ to tell him I called, but he never did. And guessing that you're the computer whiz of the family…I think a few clicks and my mail goes into the trash bin, right? You did this, didn't you?"

I blinked. Roxas, the brother I told everything to. Roxas was the reason Riku never called, never wrote? It had all been because of Roxas? I felt hurt. Betrayed. But more than ever, I had to wonder: What was _wrong_ with Roxas?

Roxas' scared smile turned sadistic. "You would have left him in the end, anyway. Everyone knows that's always how these celebrity flings turn out. Sora's nothing more than just your tabloid toy."

Riku didn't say anything, maybe because he'd been struck speechless by Roxas' stupidity. His grip weakened and Roxas pushed past him and went to join Olette by the lot gate. Axel grabbed him before he could go. "You never answered my calls," he said. "Do you know what it's like to sit in a hotel room at five a.m., just waiting for you to call so I don't have to deal with anything but you anymore? For god sakes, Roxas! Who was the one who took you out to lunch and actually _cared_ when that imaginary girlfriend of yours left you?"

Olette, who had been on the verge of heading towards her car, turned and came back to the party at full speed. "Wait," she said, marching right into the center of the conflict, bright eyes glittering with oncoming rage. "_You're_ Axel?"

He grinned. "So we meet, my dear. Tell me, do you still hear Roxas screaming every now and then when you can't sleep…or don't you sleep at all?"

Olette looked like she was about to launch herself at him and rip him to shreds. Roxas grabbed her arm and brushed Axel off when he laid a hand on Roxas' shoulder. "C'mon," Roxas said to her. "Selphie's waiting." He turned to Axel and looked him straight in the eye. "You remember that day?" he said. "That day when I asked you to make me feel better?"

"Yeah," Axel said, a little breathless. "Yeah, I remember."

"Well I found what I was looking for," he said quietly. "The 13th Dilemma. How honestly clever of you to deter me so I didn't figure it out until now. But once you know those three words, well…a lot opens up. You still got those scars, Axel?" He took one look down at Axel's bare arms and smirked before taking his leave.

Axel was frozen, dumbfounded as the rest of us. He look scared—actual, paralyzing fear was written in his eyes.

I couldn't figure out what Roxas was getting at. Not until I looked down at Axel's arms and saw the scars there myself. Thin scars near the creases of both elbows. Some of them were at odd angles, like they'd been carelessly shoved in for hope of getting one last high. Signs of an addict.

Riku was behind me again, and he pulled me around and kissed me so fiercely I couldn't breathe. "I'm sorry," he said when I finished. "I should have told you."

"Told me what?"

"Nothing," he said. "It should probably wait until Roxas is back and I'm a little more sober, anyway. But I never really meant to keep it a secret, okay? It's just…hard." Then he laughed. "Hey. Did I tell you Leon signed me on to be the new endorser of AprilMay Cosmetics for Men?"

"That's crazy," I said, glad for a change of topic that wasn't dark. "That's really crazy."

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I picked it up and flipped it open. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Axel furiously pounding the redial button, trying to make contact with Roxas. Kairi was leaning over his shoulder, carefully watching.

"Hello?" I said into my phone.

"Sora, this is Mom."

"Oh, hey, Mom," I said, calmly as I could while Riku was intently nibbling on my ear. "What's up?"

"Don't give me that, young man. I'm here at your Aunt Tifa's, and she just happened to show me her newest issue of _Starlet_ magazine. And do you know who's on the cover?"

I winced, waiting for it. "No?"

"It's you, Sora. _You!_ What's this? Who's this Riku boy that's in this article with you? Do I know his mother?"

"Uh…no." I said, calmly as I could. "Listen, I don't have time to explain this right now."

Behind me, Riku's phone rang in his pocket. He picked it up and slid it open. "'Ello?" he said brightly. His voice went dull as the person on the other end of the line said something. "Oh, hey Leon."

"Who's that talking in the background?" Mom hissed. "Sora, are you at a party somewhere?"

"Maybe," I said, opting for the answer that wasn't lying or telling the truth. "But it's only with Tidus and Kairi and some other people, I swear!"

Axel's phone let out a buzz as he dialed again. Roxas had finally picked up. "Roxas?" he said into the phone.

Almost everyone had congregated around the truck after what happened, and now they all fell silent as a deep voice came out of Axel's phone. "No…I'm afraid your friend—Roxas, is it?—isn't available right now." No one said anything. That voice…it held something deep. Foreboding. A chill ran down my spine and suddenly I felt sick, though I couldn't explain why.

On the other side of the line, there was the sound of Aunt Tifa's phone ringing. "I'll get it!" I heard her call. Then her voice was quieter, more somber. "Oh. Arial, you'd better come here. There's someone who says they need to talk to you."

"Shit!" Riku yelled, slamming his fist into the side of Tidus' truck. "What do you mean, 'sex tape'?" He slammed the phone shut as Leon was still in mid-sentence and turned back to me. "Sora, we've got a problem."

"You're not the only one," Axel said wearily. He pale, paler than I'd ever seen him. He looked like he might faint. "We got to get to the hospital. There's been an accident."

And then, from the other end of my phone, I heard Mom scream. "_What?_ What do you mean my baby?" she yelled. Tifa sounded like she was trying to calm her down. "Breath, Arial," she was saying. "He's going to be fine." Mom broke down with a sob as Axel talked calmly to the paramedic on the other end of his phone.

"_What happened to my Roxas?"_


	18. The Letter

**Author's Note: **Excuses? Nope. This is just insanely late. I'm sorry.

* * *

**Eighteen. The Letter**

**Axel**

I nearly dropped the phone. "Roxas. What's happened to my Roxas?"

Sora blinked up at me. His thick lashes hid the horror that flashed in his eyes. It took a moment before I realized that the person on the other end of the line was saying something.

"Hospital," someone was saying in the background. "We need to get to the hospital." I think it may have been Demyx, or possibly Namine. My brain couldn't process any difference between the two right now.

My vision blurred just a slight bit, blending the trees and sky and grass together, so everything looked like black sky. Sora's hand was on my elbow, and his friend Kairi had my other arm. Riku's arm slid around my waist, and I wondered what he was doing, with Sora watching and all. Then I realized it didn't matter, since Roxas was dying. Dead.

Roxas was dead.

"Axel."

I felt the jarring movement of someone shifting gears, and Sora was pulling out of a parking lot I didn't know we'd been in. Sora was the one talking to me.

"Axel, what the hell?" he said, racing out of the lot and spraying gravel from behind the tires. "Nobody's dead. For god sakes, get a grip."

"You leave him alone," Riku said, his arm still around my waist. "He's having a nervous breakdown. He loves Roxas, Sora. It's hard on him."

"Oh yes," Sora said, rolling his eyes at the rearview mirror. "Because I'm what, important to Roxas because we trade sandwiches at lunchtime? I'm related to him, you know. We're fucking _twins_. I've known Roxas for more days than Axel has been sober."

"Not like that's many," Riku mumbled from underneath my arm.

I slumped downward in my seat, and sudden anger overwhelmed me. "Fuck off. If you can't take us to the hospital in a safe manner, we're all going to be dead. You just ran another stoplight, Sora. Weren't you the one saying nobody's fucking dying?" I paused and leaned against Riku's shoulder again, breathing in his clean smell. "Fuck."

Sora's car screeched to a stop in one of the handicap spots. Kairi mumbled something about it being illegal as she hopped out of the car and opened the door for Riku. Sora said something about me being handicapped, since Riku had to carry me to the car, and he was probably going to have to carry me into the hospital, and wasn't it good I was so skinny from all that coke I had snorted when I was younger?

I didn't say anything. I hadn't seen Sora ever this angry before. Maybe he blamed me, as though it was my fault, since I'd thrown Roxas into a rage he hadn't come out of. Roxas hadn't been right to drive in his mind-state. Now he wasn't right for anything.

Riku dragged me upright, but I was so much taller than him that my feet dragged me on the pavement. Riku set me down, and then someone else was at my shoulder.

Kairi knelt down next to me and put a cool hand on my forehead. "Axel? Can you walk?" She said it in a way that was not condemning or chiding, but merely concerned. She certainly didn't see the need for the drama or the long, drawn out arguments. Kairi just wanted us to all get inside to see Roxas.

_Here. This is a friend._

I rose to my feet and stood as steadily as I could manage. Kairi handed me a tissue, and I wiped away blue streaks from my eyes. Stupid Manscara. She put a hand on the back of my neck and I slipped my arm around my shoulders. There. Like brother and sister.

The doors swooshed open, and Sora and Riku demanded to see Roxas. The secretary typed something into the computer and told us he was in the ER on the first floor, left wing. We took off down the hallway, Sora in first, followed by a worried Riku, and Kairi and I trailing in last like weary contestants in a three-legged race.

The ugly plastic chairs in the ER waiting room were nearly full by the time we arrived. Sitting there were Olette, Namine, and the others from the party, including Demyx and Zexion. I didn't know how they'd all managed to get to the hospital before us, but I was glad they were here.

Kairi dropped down into the empty chair next to Demyx, and I took a seat at his feet. Zexion reached down and ruffled my hair. "It's going to be fine," he said, though his voice never made it sound like anything was going to be fine at all.

Demyx put a hand on each of my shoulders and gave them a squeeze. "Cheer up. They said Roxas' injuries aren't terribly fatal, so he'll just be a little incapacitated for a while." He opened his mouth and began to sing. "_I see you…you beauuuuutiful thing_…"

"No," Riku said, pointing a finger at him. "You are to never sing that song again. It's an abomination to the world of music."

"Why?" Kairi said. "I like that song."

I groaned, because I knew what Riku was going to say next. He'd said we wouldn't talk about this until later, with Roxas. None of these people needed to know yet.

"It's an abomination," Riku said, "because…" He paused here, mostly for effect, but also to delay the answer he knew he had to give. "Because…"

"Because I wrote it, _okay_?" I yelled. Everyone jumped a little. I was sick of all this stupid dancing around. Didn't famous people ever get to take credit without regretting anything? "I wrote it a few years ago, and now it's the song for every stupid romantic comedy in history. Now if you'll excuse me, let's focus our attention back to _Roxas_."

"Why? It's just chat to pass the time," Kairi said.

"No. Axel's right. We should wait for Roxas." Riku ran his hands through his hair. "Hey," he said, partly to Sora but mostly to the floor. "Do we even know what happened, anyway?"

"There was an accident," Olette said softly. I blinked up, and finally saw her for what she was: scared. Not a Roxas-stealing whore. Just a sad, scared little high school girl. "Roxas…he tried to swerve, but this guy just came out of nowhere…I mean, we had a green light and everything, and next I know the seat is pushed out from underneath me, and Roxas had some window glass stuck in his arm, and burns on his face…I was scared. And then someone was yelling, and Roxas was completely out of it, because he was saying stuff that made no sense, and then some ambulances showed up, and they fixed the cut on my head, and they took Roxas on a stretcher." She paused and let out a long, heaving sigh. "They were just about to ask me something else; I think it might've been about what happened, when Roxas' phone rang. And then he did the funniest thing. Roxas…wrinkled his nose up and made a real frustrated face. And then he said something like 'I'm not getting that'." She laughed as she imitated his facial expression. "And then…they brought us here," she finished lamely.

"Figures," I said. "Roxy, stubborn with me even while delusional."

"Sooooo," Seifer said from across the room, trying to delay the inevitable awkward silence. "Sex tape, is that right?"

I watched as Sora blushed furiously and Riku tried to look stunned. It wasn't really working for them either way. Even I had known they'd done it, but I still couldn't see Sora as anything but a virgin. He was too naïve to be anything else.

"Press will be hell," Riku said. "Especially when they hear I visited the hospital, too. You watch. Tomorrow, _The Continental Undercover_ will be saying I gave Sora herpes."

"But sweetie, you _did_ give me herpes," Sora said, laying his hand on Riku's thigh and batting his lashes up at him. "You gave me herpes and I _liked_ it."

"Sora," Kairi said. "I think you're getting herpes mixed up with hickeys."

"Or he's being an idiot," Riku said, putting his hand on top of Sora's.

"But a loveable idiot," Sora added, giving Riku's thigh a visible squeeze. "Admit it, Riku. You _looooove_ me."

Riku sighed and pulled Sora over the armrests between their chairs and into his lap. He laid Sora's head against the hollow of his throat and laid back against the chair like he was in bliss, closing his eyes.

"I'll deal with you later," he said quietly.

I closed my eyes and leaned back against Demyx's legs. Stupid lovers, everywhere, and not a Roxy to drink. I wanted to see him. I wanted to tell him that he was an idiot for not being more careful or something, and that he was never allowed to leave my side again. And, sick as it made me to say it, I _really_ wanted to fuck him silly.

The light above the emergency room doors shut off, and someone stepped out. He was a doctor, it seemed, all clad in white with a white mask hanging just below his chin. "Which one of you is related to the boy?" he asked.

Sora jumped up from his chair. "Oh, that's me. I'm his brother, Sora."

"Sora?" the doctor flipped through a pile of papers he was holding. "Oh, Sora. Yes, here you are. Says you're twins?"

"I'm the older one," Sora said.

I leaned back against hard wood and cold, shiny vinyl. Figures. I had to be a pedophile with the _younger_ twin. And a pedo. Me. Lord, it wasn't the first time, but it sucked like hell. Was there some sort of doom that cursed me to fall in love with younger men?

And, just when I though this situation couldn't any worse or more complicated: Sephiroth. He was there, dressed in something black and tight, standing over a half-asleep Riku. But then again, Seph was always there. He was never appropriate, in time or clothing choices. Stupid ex-best friend. Stupid happiness-stealer. Stupid bastard I missed so much that I had to use his younger brother to fill whatever it was he had taken up.

He put a hand on Riku's shoulder. "Hey," he said, giving Riku a gentle shake. "I thought you'd be here when I heard about the accident on the news. You okay?"

Riku slowly opened his eyes and squinted, probably because the fluorescent hospital lights were glaring directly into his eyes.

I stood up and crossed in front of Riku's chair. "What are you doing here?"

"You're in this too?" Seph said. "Figures. Kid can't get into some sort fiasco without _you_."

"Hey. I thought we agreed you weren't mad at me anymore."

"No," he said. "I'm not mad at you for _that_ anymore. Now I'm just mad at you for _this_."

"Oh, yeah," I grumbled. "That makes perfect sense, since this is so obviously my fault."

"You are the reason Roxas drove off in a rage," Sora said from somewhere behind me. "If we really wanted to, we could say this is your fault."

"Shut up, virgin. Nobody asked you."

"I'm not a virgin!" Sora yelled.

The woman at the reception desk gave a small gasp as she shuffled papers, and I swore the doctor backed a little further away from Sora.

"I mean um…crap. No, Mr. Sephiroth, I didn't really!" Sora cocked an eyebrow, and a bit of realization came to him. "Uh, Mr. Sephiroth, why are you here?"

"He's here for me," Riku said tiredly from his chair. "He's my brother."

And, like we should have expected, Sora panicked, Kairi and Namine read the month-old copies of Starlet magazine on the coffee table without much interest, and the doctor tried to tell us we could go back and visit Roxas.

I was the only one who heard him.

While Sora and Riku were still having a battle of why-didn't-you-tell-me's and you-never-asked's, I snuck down the hallway. Roxas was sleeping, and there were cloths on his head and a needle in his arm.

To this day, needles always brought that acid into my throat. They made me sick, thinking of getting high and shivering. I pulled up a chair and stared at his face, just to try and get the needle out of my head. But his face was painful, too.

His clothes were folded in neat pile on the nightstand. It made me smile, and I looked at the names of his nurses on the whiteboard. They had plain names, names I'd forget in a few hours.

I picked up the whiteboard marker and wrote 'Thank You' underneath their untidy scrawls. Nurses were like mothers, I decided. They did way too much and didn't get paid enough.

And then there was something white in the pocket of Roxas' jeans. An envelope, with my name on it. And inside there was a letter addressed to me. It made me think back to that first letter, the one I'd thrown away. I'd met him anyways, and still fallen in love with him even though I hadn't known anything about him. That letter had been unnecessary. Just like this one. I put it back without reading it.

I already knew what it said.


End file.
